I’m the Rolodex of Embarrassing Memories Living in Your Head
Kids, if you don’t know what a Rolodex is, look it up
Word up, word up, word up! I’m the Rolodex of embarrassing memories living in your head and I’m here to remind you of all your past failures and mistakes.
I love raking up the past even more than your parents and ex-partners — it’s my speciality — but I surpass even myself when you take a shower, try to sleep or merely attempt anything bold and daring to improve your life. It’s then I really kick things up a notch.
I’m here in those tough times to remind you not to bother with any ambitious nonsense as you’re a useless sack of shit and always have been.
You know every time you get a lofty idea but suddenly self-doubt blazes in like a drunk at a wedding and ruins everything? Well, that’s me baby, just doing my thing, making sure you stay in lane.
That business you want to launch? That artistic flair you want to express? That exercise plan you’re ready to start? I’m the one who whispers in your ear “Don’t bother you big jerk, you screwed up a million things already, why will this be any different?”
I kept your feet on the ground and got your head out of the clouds more times than you can count. I worked hard so you didn’t have to.
