Creators, Careers, and Cradles
Navigating Life From Startups to Singleness With Fewer Regrets
I glanced over sheepishly after rattling off my list of updates to see my mentor fall silent and stare at me for a while. She then leaned back and gave me a bemused look. “Well, it sounds like you are in a period of incubation,” she finally said nodding as if to agree with herself.
Yes. Although I didn’t like how the statement made me think more of chickens than creators, I had to admit it was accurate. I was experimenting. Birthing new ideas. Starting new businesses. Opening up my mind and heart to new opportunities. This season of my life, while not perfect, felt radically different than where I was when I met my mentor just a few years earlier.
A few years ago I was in a drastically different place. Divorced, with an ailing father who would ultimately lose his battle with cancer, my life felt like it revolved around pain and the consequences of a series of poor decisions. Many of them my own and some the decisions of others that ultimately were out of my control but had a lasting impact on me personally.
But with time I was able to heal. And now I had started a company, Spyka Consulting, focused on coaching individuals to be their best selves and facilitating organizations to do their best work. And as a person dedicated to improving my craft, I went out on a limb and invested what at the time felt like a sizable about of money into training to become an executive coach. While in the midst of a training exercise, an idea that had been percolating inside me for some time resurfaced unexpectedly as I was busy complaining that I wanted something new for my life. A fellow coach asked me a few simple questions: “What do you want for your life exactly?” And what is stopping you from having just that?”
In that moment I had to be honest. The answer to the latter question was definitively ME. That was actually the easier question to answer. Once I realized I was the biggest obstacle to my best life, I knew I could create something better. But the first question — what did I want for my life, exactly? — took some more digging. Part of what I found led to what is now #IAmACreator Collective.
Truth is, it has always struck me that society assigns dozens of labels to People of Color every day — social critics, consumers, criminals. But “creator” is rarely one of them. I Am A Creator started as a space to share thoughts and ideas centered around this vital self-affirmation.
But after going through my coaching process, I realized “I Am A Creator’ needed to shift from a mere creative passion project to a full-fledged startup. So ‘I Am A Creator’ is now a movement, a network, and a company dedicated to igniting the creative spark in People of Color.
Fast forward to a month ago and everyone I know is getting married and having babies. Beautiful weddings and cute, adorable babies at that. I was on my way to one of these beautiful weddings when a friend of mine, Lindsey Greene-Upshaw, mentioned she was hosting her inaugural Replenish Women’s Conference in July. The first panel was entitled “Creators, Careers, and Cradles: Navigating Calling, Parenting, and Singleness.” Given the name of my startup, Lindsey thought I might have something valuable to share around purpose from a single woman’s perspective. Oh joy…
But truth be told, I know I Am A Creator would not exist without the baby that was Lindsey’s Replenish project. Two years earlier I led a two-hour session on purpose focused on Genesis 1:27–28, a reference to being made in the image of God, which to me includes exhibiting on one of God’s primary attributes as a Creator during a Replenish retreat. I carried that truth with me through divorce, death, and these nagging feelings about social injustice and political upheaval that had been building in me since the rise of Black Lives Matter Movement and through this Post-Obama era. I Am A Creator was birthed out of Lindsey following her purpose, so I felt obliged and at the same time grateful for the opportunity to pour back into her expanding creative endeavor.
So four weeks later, my teammate Khadeejah and I set off to Bridgeport, Connecticut to share our I Am A Creator message with whoever was willing to listen. Just 24 hours earlier we had pitched our business plan for I Am A Creator to a room full of judges as part of the Washington, D.C. eBay Startup Cup. This was just part of the grind of running a startup. And I knew that this type of grind is only possible for me right now because I am single and without kids. But Khadeejah and Acquania do this startup grind with babies. Cute, adorable babies at that. A fact that is never lost on me and that constantly keeps me in awe the longer we work together. We all create in different arenas and with different lifestyles, but in a way that compliments one another. This is what we strive for as a team; and it is this spirit of uniqueness and creativity we want to share through our network and ultimately throughout communities of color.
Needless to say, the Replenish Conference was nothing short of amazing. Khadeejah and I love worship and the CityWide Church worship team and Psalmist Naomi Raine did not disappoint. They set an atmosphere that allowed hundreds of women to take a holistic approach to their purpose, mental health, social activism, and financial well-being in-person and online. I was honored to serve on a panel with Minister Tanya Skeeter, Lady Sharron Calhoun, and Charmain Yun of Yale’s Cru Ministries who all had so much wisdom to share about purpose, marriage, and children. Several times I forgot I was on the panel as I sat on the edge of my seat listening to their testimonies.
But I too had a testimony to share. As I told the women at New Vision International Ministries, there was a time in my twenties where I effectively gave the keys to my destiny over to another person and then got upset when they started driving in a direction I didn’t think God called me to go. This type of situation can quickly become unsustainable and unsafe, especially when two people try to steer one wheel. Ultimately I told the women at the conference, I felt like I spent a long time hitchhiking through life to ultimately end up back where God wanted me to be all along. It was not always easy but I am a better person for the journey. And although being single is still not easy — especially with all these darn beautiful weddings and cute, adorable children around — I no longer regret my choices or my current status in life, because I know this revolves around more than my singleness. It now centers around my purpose.
Several women came up after to thank me for sharing my testimony. A few even bought some I Am A Creator merchandise. I was grateful for it all. I know now my pain is part of my purpose. And that I can still have a desire for kids and husband without missing out on what God has me to do right now.
As I said in a short video we recorded after my panel, its not that I do not wrestle with the real questions that many singles face everyday. When? How? Why not me? Why not now? But while these questions pass through my thoughts, they no longer rest on my heart.
I’ve decided to believe James 4:2–3 — You do not have, because you do not ask God. Which for me was an aha moment when I realized that the point is to check your motives and to stop asking a living God, dead-end questions. When? Not now! Why not me? Because its not your time! Well, you can see how this conversation gets old rather quickly. As coaches we are trained to ask powerful, open-ended questions. And now I see how that makes all the difference.
In this season I now ask: What is my purpose…right now, in this moment? How can I help? What can I do with the gifts I have been given? Who can I team up with to do more?
And the answer to these questions has led me to more creators, to a season of incubating, and to endeavors that help replenish others. And despite all the things I’ve lost and struggles I face I am far from empty. I am still expectant. I am still creating. God is still equipping. Still directing. Life is still unfolding. Now I am more excited that ever to see where it leads me next…
UPDATE: Three days after the Replenish Women’s Conference, the #IAmACreator Collective made the Top 12 in the Washington eBay Startup Cup. Sign up at our mailing list to follow our startup journey.
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