Reframing the Trans Experience
Is Medical Transition Always the answer?
Can a person be born into the wrong body? Does the soul exist? And if it does, how does that shape how we perceive certain experiences? Trans people feel like they’re born in the wrong body. Currently the narrative is that we should transition to alleviate our dysphoria. Other alternatives are usually not discussed. Should we try and accept what is instead? I don’t have a simple answer for you. What if we’re meant to learn something by feeling so alienated by our own body?
what is the sense is fighting the nature of things? If it makes you lonely and miserable. Discriminated against. Harrased in public. Why live your truth if it causes you such misery? Resentment kicks in.
Maybe it’s karma. I couldn’t tell you. But if you cannot become something that you are not- then what is the point of any of it? Should we accommodate people’s pronouns? Of course! But…
Do we need to express what we feel inside ourselves? Does everyone not pretend already?
But it doesn’t distress them like this does. Feeling an incongruence with your assigned gender more often than not drives people to suicide or a deep depression. How many people get the privilege of passing?
Very few indeed. What does one do in the space after puberty? Live a life of misery? I suppose many people would be confused as to why I sound so negative. Not everyone can handle hormone therapy or is healthy enough to go on it. I can’t put on enough weight to become curvy. Nor maintain my passability from day to day. I’ve lived in trans houseshares and immersed myself in the queer community. And to be honest- I don’t know if I want to be part of it anymore. Non passing trans women are treated like dirt. Detransition stories get silenced.
It’s great to hear people’s stories of how they got to live their true selves after they underwent full transition, spent thousands of dollars on laser and surgery- and then people were so “loving” 🙄 and “accepting”. Maybe I just don’t get it. I’m sure some jackass will come out of the woodworks to gaslight me about my neurodivergence or ADHD. I’m tired of buying acceptance with my looks. Sacrificing my own sanity for other people’s comfort. Being forced to only wear a few specific items of female clothing for Safety and pasability along with ensuring you’re always perfect and hairless and oh we never get angry isn’t that right?
I’ve always dreamed of being androgynous. Sadly though, it seems like an impossible dream. People are dumb. Really dumb. All my efforts are met with is being treated like a kid. And yet, I can’t seem to let it go. Being a woman is lovely and all- But seems but a fleeting dream. And biggest shame of it all is that it’s still within my reach. I just don’t dare to grasp it for how disgusted I am with everything. I don’t care what nonsense conservatives are saying about trans people.
What about the transmen who become incredibly toxic and misogynistic? Or the transwomen who become obsessed with their looks and have their IQ drop a bunch of points because the E went to their head?
Then you have transmedicalists who gatekeep what it means to be trans or not trans. I can’t even remember everything that bugged me anymore. It doesn’t matter. I’m sure anyone who’s been a part of the community knows what I’m talking about
I’ve seen the ugliness that transitioning can spawn. I’ve seen what it does to me. The depressed lonely people who never leave the house and are miserable to be around. The way the camaraderie fizzles out so quickly out of jealousy or bitterness.
And maybe- just maybe: I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. Becoming a woman means giving something up. Surrendering privilege as well as POWER. What if that’s too much for a person to bear? In our sexist patriarchal culture that lionises masculinity and demonises anything feminine or girly?
Maybe I like my androgyny. Maybe womanhood is scary. Maybe it’s not worth the price it costs to have it anymore. I’m just tired.
