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You’ve Been Trying. I See It.
What’s happening now isn’t because of who you are, dear readers. Let’s continue to try.
It isn’t because you did not try.
Many people have tried hard for a long time. You, whoever you are, have been trying too. That’s why you’re here with us today.
We’re trying. Tomorrow we’ll continue.
What’s happening to us now isn’t because of who we really are. What’s being done to you isn’t your fault.
It isn’t because you had an abortion, waxed too abstract over a scotch, signed up with the second-best activist cause, touched someone with affluenza and it was contagious, mispronounced “altruism,” couldn’t explain whether humans are unique among animals, drowned in anxiety, painted too much boisterous art, were unspiritual and atheist, guided your own attention or were bossed around by it, challenged your own beliefs, had a bias, had a body, had a brain, cared for someone you were told you shouldn’t care for, plotted numbers outside a Cartesian graph, felt certain, took a chance, lacked charm, cheated on your lover, noticed the climate is changing, confided in your coach, embarrassed someone with your excess of compassion, conformed when you should have distinguished yourself, consumed too much ice cream, got wicked creative, were fascinated by death, made decisions with your gut, wrote inappropriate film dialogue, rolled in the dirt with a dog, went without disaster insurance, wrinkled your nose in disgust, made diverse enemies, treaded lightly so as not to dominate nature, hatched that egg, felt those emotions, briefly attained enlightenment, perceived your environment, received your epiphany, sat in the eternal now, studied ethics and asked funny questions, evolved, operated on faith, got all gummed up with false memories and false confessions, really liked food, begged for forgiveness, used your freedom of speech, stumbled over your free will, were obscene with a friend, were queer in your gender, were too generous in your giving, talked to g-d whom you anthropomorphized, g-d who is also an atheist, g-d whose authority is said to be in a book, g-d who is said to be everything else, g-d who’s a feminist and g-d who’s not on your side, grieved, pulled your hair, didn’t know your golf handicap, received healing selfishly, wrote an alternate history, sought honor, demanded human rights for all, were too humanist or too humble or lacking in humor, researched your true identity, were omg immortal, put your integrity first, deleted your internet browsing history, interpellated your story into the world, didn’t make money as a journalist, dwelled in ugly ignorance before easing into a more lovely unknowing and then a real knowledge, used coarse language, used your liberty to take a day off, used your literacy to read a comic book, were rigorously logical, exploded with love, lied outright, ate that marijuana brownie, got married four times, did the math, got drunk on the memory of it, blew your own mind, didn’t make enough money, saw monsters in the closet, clapped music out of your tambourine, discovered you were part of a cultural myth, spoke your name, altered what it means to be natural, knew that many powers are nurtured, quit your career network, uttered a nice turn of phrase, wallowed in nostalgia, spit an oath, swore one oath too many, were too frank about your organs, had opinions about the use of the term “Orwellian,” ignored the Panopticon, spoke in paradoxes, dreamed fiercely of dying a patriot, devoted a year to peacemaking, dated a rude philosopher and took pleasure in it, poached your neighbor’s daisies, were politically polarized, talked politics in church, said your prayers too quietly, spent time in prison, procreated off schedule, prohibited others from doing what you did, quoted scholars to make yourself sound smart, were furious about racism, became someone’s ray of sunshine, regretted a relationship, decided it was all relative, wavered between two religions, had a revolutionary experience, laughed off the risk, performed the ritual, said “no” in no uncertain terms, sacrificed your self, explored your sexuality, said there was no shame in it, developed a skill in something other than software, imagined yourself a soldier, immured yourself in solitude, made more mess than success, didn’t save someone from dying by suicide, worked to make it all sustainable, then there was no technology for that, there was no theodicy to justify the human cost, there was no time, the tolerance ran out, a tree grew and was felled before anyone trusted you, you found it twee, you promised to make more utilitarian choices, you were the lousiest vegan and virtue-signaled at a high frequency, your speech relied on metaphors for weapons, you were often mistaken for a werewolf, you had no word for it and all you did was write.
Still, what is happening is not your fault.
What we are going to do is survive. We are going to change and change it around us and be the change for someone else.
Trying is a mess, and we are going to keep trying.
This is my 600th story on Medium. Thanks for staying with me, even on the hardest days.
— Tucker Lieberman
P.S. Please share this with a trans person who’s trying hard.
