Is fear of rejection keeping you away from financial success?

The fear of rejection is an emotion that we all are familiar with, but is it keeping you away from your long-term financial goals? Just the sound of the word can make us cringe — we resent it, fear it and often it defines our self-worth. Rejection is very much a part of our learning journey. Through rejection, we understand where we are and where we would want to be. While motivational speeches and uplifting words can inspire us to take this fear head-on, after a couple or three rejections, we lose steam and shelve those lofty goals, till another motivational speech nudges us onward again.

While avoiding rejection works to soothe the ego, it ends up doing more harm than good — for our self-worth and confidence, but also to our bank accounts. Decisions to opt out from applying for jobs we know we are qualified for, but assume we will not get can make us stay stuck in lower-paying jobs for ever. Vegetating over a business idea due to the fear of it being rejected by investors has the potential to leave money on the table whereas in reality the idea could be immensely profitable. These choices can have a ripple effect on our financial and personal goals — whether it is to explore a better opportunity, or buy a new home or pay off a debt. It is worthwhile to examine how we deal with rejection to see if our fear of it may be the culprit behind the delay in our financial success.

The urge to stay in our “Comfort Zone” — defined as “a behavioural state where a person operates in an anxiety-neutral position……”Where our uncertainty, scarcity and vulnerability are minimized — where we feel we have some control’, and minimal threat of rejection. The fear of rejection stems from a fear of the unknown, moving into new territory triggers this fear. For example, working for an organization in the current role gives us the assurance of being adept and accustomed to company policies, the systems and processes, the culture and relationships with other colleagues. Going into a new company which offers better opportunity for success and money, the fear and anxiety of being in a new place takes over. We are afraid we may not be as good with our responsibilities, fit in with the culture or get along with the new colleagues.

Avoidance of rejection can keep us safe — but just for a short while. One part of finding out what is right for you is to find out what is not right for you. The only way to know it is by taking the risk and getting it done. Sometimes helping things move for the sake of moving them out of the way of our success frees up the space for the right things to come to us. Eliminating the risk of rejection from our life will always prevent us from exploring any new possibilities. At the end of the day, no one can guarantee that the audience will applaud our presentation, or that our friends will support all our ideas. Unless we are willing to put ourselves out there and risk a few rejections, we are unlikely to receive many rewards.

Often in our everyday lives we avoid negotiating as we fear we will not succeed and come out looking like a cheapskate. Minor events like calling our cable operators for a better plan, or lack of negotiation while buying car insurance, or asking for the best deals at an electronics store or supermarket can cost us a lot more than we think. We may not ask for a raise at work as we may be afraid of the feedback and the subsequent rejection of our request. We can often reduce our financial burden by successfully negotiating in day to day situations.

It is very easy to take a no personally — we hear a No and we think they didn’t like us or I don’t know how to do this correctly and blame ourselves for the rejection of our offer and subsequent failure. Most often the chances are that there is nothing we could have done better or maybe that really was the best deal on offer. However, we will know only when we get over the fear of the big NO and become comfortable with the asking. Learning to face a rejection is like training a muscle — the more we use it, the more comfortable we will start to feel. In these conditions, when the no does come, it is less about us not doing something correctly, but more about ‘not right now’ or ‘its not the right fit’.

Avoiding rejection also can give us the tendency to try and please other people at all time. Agreeing to do things you may not like to may make us temporarily popular, but only for a while. People pleasing tends to backfire in the long run. It is important to understand that it is impossible to make everyone happy and that we are not responsible for the emotions of others. We can end up with burnout and lose sight of our values in the long run.

Embracing rejection and overcoming fear is also a lot about creating a healthy savings cushion. In this situation, if things do not work out for any reason, we have our savings to fall back upon. In addition, participation in activities where money is directly not involved could also help us get used to rejection. Maybe joining a dance class where our moves may be far from perfect and we do not get chosen for the next big performance, or involvement in activities where we may hear a no without us taking it personally or it having any deep impact on our psyche.

While vulnerability is the key to living an authentic life, it does open us up to hurt and rejection. However, getting passed up or turned down is not the end of the world. By learning to endure the pain associated with rejection actually helps us build resilience and confidence. Once we experience that rejection is not as devastating and overwhelming as we imagined it to be, we will be able to take on the belief that ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’. Rejection can be the beginning of something new; a fresh start — a new career, a new chance to love, a new city and the opportunity to find our Ikigai.

Let us drop this fear of rejection. Let us take the chance — we will surely end up a step closer to what we want or discover who we really are!!!