GOOSBRUARY 5, GOOSE-YEAR 888
Gooseword Scientist Claims Goosearth is Round
Reported by Mr Conspi Racy @ Goose Nook (Satire)
Goose Nook, and in fact the whole of Goosearth, has been shaken from its very foundations since Dr Goosecuree, celebrated scientist from Gooseword University, published research last Tuesday which claims that Goosearth is round. Not flat as we have believed since the beginning of time, but round. The experiment involved sending a gaggle of geese swimming along a straight line on the Goose Sea. Apparently, at one point, they vanished. And this means the world is not flat.
Goose Nook residents were shaken but not stirred.
“This is like news from DuckHill — untrustworthy and rubbish. Goosecuree is not a doctor; she’s a quack! IF THE WORLD IS ROUND, ARE THERE GEESE LIVING UPSIDE DOWN? IS THE WATER FROM THE GOOSE SEA SPILLING OUT? WOULDN’T IT BE EMPTY BY NOW? I am a ballet dancer. If the ground wasn’t flat, I would be tumbling down all the time!”
- GOOSEBERRA, FAMOUS BALLET DANCER
Gooseberra went on to perform ballet, which although quite non-tumbling, Goose News didn’t stay to watch.
Dr Goosecuree’s eyes were rolling round in response. “Does Gooseberra think the peer reviewers of my study haven’t raised these concerns already? One of them even questioned why I hadn’t measured the waist diameter of the geese involved in the experiment. Apparently, it has an impact on ‘visibility’!”
A Goose News reporter asked her, “What if the geese just drowned in the sea? A shark could have pulled them under!” But Dr Goosecuree claimed that all geese who participated in the study returned sound and round. Goose News hasn’t heard from any of them yet.
Professor Goosebrain at the University of Goose Nook was cautious: “I am skeptical when geese make these feather-shedding claims. Goosecuree’s methods, however, seem solid. And they are replicable, unlike much of the research flying around these days. We need further study.”
After hasty initial reports appeared in news outlets less reliable than Goose News, Dr Goosecuree issued a clarification: “My research hasn’t proved — yet — that Goosearth is round, only that it is curved. I think it is very likely though that the planet might turn out to be round. We have to explore! We need to send geese swimming around the world. Or flying far enough above to actually see the spherical shape of Goosearth. This is mind-fluttering!”
The scientist does not seem to flinch from sending geese on fatal missions. The question remains: what really happened to the geese she urged to “keep swimming” for her study? Were they kidnapped? Eaten? Or is there something more sinister going on in that stretch of vanishing geese, now being called the “Goosecuree Triangle”? For the brave readers, Dr Goosecuree’s findings can be accessed in the paper “The World is Not Flat Enough” in the journal The Scientific Goose. Read with caution.
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