GOOSARCH 22, GOOSE-YEAR 888

Mayor Faces Honks For ‘Goosy’ Calendar

Ashwini Petchiappan
The imaginist
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3 min readMar 14, 2021

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Reported by Ms. Timekee Per @ Goose Nook (Satire)

Mayor Gooseworth has got widely varying reactions for the new ‘goosier’ calendar she announced on Goosarch 15. From supporters welcoming the ‘liberatingly free calendar’ to business-geese rueing the ‘productivity loss’, Goose Nook has been in a huff.

Goosy Days. Is the new Goose Calendar too goosy for goose good?

There is such a thing as too goosy! This calendar is a goosiness overload. This goosiness is not good for business.
- Mr. Goosa Goosy Goose, Owner of The Goosy Goose Shop

Ahem. Ahem. This goosification for the sake of goosification must stop! Let us goosify what must be goosified, and un-goosify what must be ungoosified.
- Prof. Goosaurus Gumfridge, Professor of Honking at Goosewards Academy for Goslings (GAG)

366-day goose-years are gone? What will happen to the extra day? Will we just lose time? Are we losing our minds?
- Prof. Boringo Goose, Geologist at Gooseword University (GU)

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Half the days are holidaaaaaays! Honk! Honk! Honk!
- Most Goose Nookians

Honk! Honk! Hurray! Goose Nookians ecstatic for the new holiday-full Goose Calendar

Mayor Gooseworth made the ‘Calendar Polarization’ worse when she referred to all those who didn’t like the new calendar as ‘sad boring geese’. Business-geese say that so many holidays will ruin the Goose Economy.

If a goose is only working 3 days, why should I keep paying her for a 5-day work-goose-week? And if geese make less money, they’ll buy fewer things. Where will the money come from?
- Gooseff Goosoz, CEO of Goosama Zone

Psychologists, however, countered the claims made by business-geese.

Research says that fewer work hours will make the geese more productive. They’ll be able to achieve in 3 days what they used to in 5 days. Right now, half the time goes in honking, eating, and sleeping anyways.
- Goosemary Goosekins, Psychologist at Goose Nook Institute of Science (GNISc)

With more free time and rejuvenated minds, geese might even start more independent enterprises and make more money!
- Goosanaki Goosammal, Philosopher at University of Goose Nook (UGN)

Scientists have asserted that the 366-day ‘long goose-year’ every 4 goose-years cannot be avoided. The Mayor has now said she will consider adding another day to the Goose Gala once every 4 goose-years. The extra day will likely be called ‘Sleep Day’. All geese will spend the day mainly sleeping, so they can enter the new goose-year “refreshed and sleep-stuffed”.

So many honks from so many chonks. We can only wait and watch. More details about the new Goose Calendar can be found here.

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Ashwini Petchiappan
The imaginist

I study biodiversity, conservation and management at University of Oxford. Birds are my reason for existence.