Chinese New Year’s Resolutions Are a Thing Right?
Most of the world will have taken New Year’s resolutions by now and about 80% of those people will have broken them by mid-February[1]. So whilst this piece is a little late, it struck me as important to avoid falling into that 80% category, so I took a little longer. You see, I started just like most of you with a list of typical resolutions, most of those fairly reasonable and achievable. Most of those also not even started yet by the end of January. Not a good start you’ll say. I’d like to think I’m just gearing up towards the Chinese New Year, but that would be a lie.
Having such a bad start to the year has by now led me to a realisation. I am a self-improvement perfectionist. I should drink more water? Yes absolutely, let me get started on that. I’ll even put some pink Himalayan salt in it. I probably should also eat less gluten and spiralize more or something. Loose a few pounds. Floss more often. Drink less caffeine. Have more of a social life, but also have more ‘me’ time so that I can meditate, exercise, apply the magic of tidying up, colour, budget and especially, relax.
You’ll understand why looking at my list of ‘should do’s’ to improve myself, I became paralysed and took absolutely no action on any of these items. Where should I start when everything about me needs a little bit of improvement? New Year’s resolutions as a manifestation of a desire to improve one-self are admirable. But by wanting to create a better me, I determined I had no say in the matter. All those ‘should do’s’ came from sources telling me what I should change to become a perfect me. What I needed to do in the first place was define what kind of me I want to be in order draw a focused road map to getting there.
What I need to focus on in 2019 is, quite simply, focus.
What do I want to be when I grow up?
I started with defining what kind of person I want to be. And when nothing came up, I defined what kind of person I didn’t want to be. Values such as money, power and being right all the time were easy to eliminate. I also remembered that during my last appraisal, my manager presented me with a stack of cards, each showing a specific value, for me to select my top 5. If it helped him get to know me as an employee, it may help me get to know myself better too. So after a bit of work, here are the values I have chosen to focus on, by default removing my efforts from all other potential self-improvement avenues.
#bekind
I’ll be honest, I stole that one from a friend. But for me, compassion is essential in all my interactions and a huge reason why I have become vegan. Showing compassion towards all sentient beings is of paramount importance, whether when choosing to eat a tofu burger, or when trying to remember that the little old lady struggling to use the automated parking machine whilst I’m freezing at -15 C behind her isn’t doing it just to piss me off.
#behonest
I have also decided that being liked isn’t as important for me as being respected. I hope that giving honest and truthful opinions will win over my innate desire to avoid confrontation and keep the peace.
#beinadequate
Yes, I am a perfectionist. Refer to previous self-improvement addict admission. I struggle with not being great at everything. I hope to use this value to remind myself that it’s ok to be crap at something sometimes. In fact, it’s ok to be crap at a lot of things, most of the time. However, being inadequate implies trying something. It’s not about sitting on your sofa telling yourself it’s totally fine to watch your life pass by one Netflix show at a time. It means giving something a shot, and probably being rubbish, but not beating yourself up about it.
So expect my flat to be messy when you come over for dinner. And for the main dish to be a vegan kind of mush. And for me to tell you honestly that I don’t agree with your plan to give your ex another chance because he’s a douche canoe. Just #bekind about it all, because I’m working on being kind to myself too.
Happy Chinese New Year 2019!
[1] Kelsey Mulvey, 2017, Business Insider (Online), 80% of New Year’s Resolutions Fail by February — Here’s How to Keep Yours, https://www.businessinsider.com/new-years-resolutions-courses-2016-12, Visited 19th January 2019.
