What do I do on the first D-day anniversary?
I thought it is gonna be painful.
Or maybe, things would be better between us and I would have healed completely.
Turns out, I was wrong.
It wasn’t as painful as I thought. In fact, I went about the day as normal, forgetting what it even meant until I came back late at night.
Thankfully, it’s because of a routine I have made with my colleague to exercise after work, every week.
Exercise gives me dopamine, and company makes me feel cheerful and balanced.
Going back at night, I realised what day it is. One year ago, I sobbed uncontrollably reading the text between my husband and his ex-AP. And fell into a black hole of betrayal pain. I wanted to memorise that moment, to acknowledge how I have survived, become stronger and changed for the better. I still can’t forgive, and it is still a long journey. The end is still illusional. But I step ahead with confidence, joy and peace in my heart. That’s what matters.
I did stay awake most of that night. Thinking about what happened and read again the email exchange between us after D-day. As dawn approaches, my mind came to a clear conclusion of what I should do next.
- If my husband stays faithful and we got our feelings back, I will commit to him and our future together.
- If he stays faithful but unfortunately, our feelings for each other are gone, I will pursue my interest in spiritual and physical well being while we stay under one roof, for the kids.
- If he cheats again, I will call it quits.
To whoever is fighting this battle, don’t give up. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Namaste,
Whisper
