Bottle of Glue Questions Meaning of Life

TEMPE, AZ — Confronted by the sorrow-filled emptiness of life, the bottle of glue in the back of Andrew’s junk drawer came face-to-face with its existential dread on Tuesday. “I’m just not sure anymore.” said the non-frills brand paste. “I know I have purpose but what is purpose if it’s never fulfilled.”

The bottle was purchased by Andrew Finnegan last May at a local CVS drug store in an effort to repair a spatula which had lost its handle when it was used in an ill-fated attempt to bisect a low-grade cut of steak, purchased at the same CVS.

When asked for comment, Mr. Finnegan stated “It only worked for like a minute so I ended up just buying a new one.” Trusted sources close to Mr. Finnegan say he has no plans for crafts in the foreseeable future.