Finding Kingdom Hades.
I had been eternally looking for a happiness that seemed bereft of any actual destination. It was inside me all along.
I usually (such a writing baller now I’ve done 7 posts!) talk about the physical benefits of the change I made back in July. – I had stopped eating shit (almost being full vegan – last night I had my first full vegan meal at a restaurant- I’m vegetarian), gave up alchohol for good, ditched coffee and became excessively passionate 6 days a week on training and optimising towards being an ultrarunner) which has meant that physically I am in the best shape of my life. I’ve lost 2 stone and actually started to feel strong (essential for the 135 mile badwater marathon I will do one day) – I’m even tempted to start rock climbing as I’ve heard it’s the best for all round strength (I hate heights)
But anyways. This post isn’t about the above. You see physical reorientation was merely the material change I wanted to make. As I had truly hoped, this change would spur new thinking in me, would hopefully reawaken the Krakabusi within – A new mills with new enlightened senses and and new perspectives.
4 months in and something has hit me hard. Not only was I now smiling more than I’ve ever smiled (and weirdly it’s when I’m not actually with anyone) but I have heightened feelings of overwhelming positivity.
I always craved the rush of caffeine, the emotion high of the latest boy band love song while sipping on the wettest red wine and although I ditched them (not the boy bands) I am hitting the highs without any aid but happiness. Cue laughter from a few of you, and that’s fine…
Spiritual : relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.
I feel spiritual, I am spiritual. That’s what I heard my mind tell me the other day, and although I had to look the word up when I did it related to exactly how I’m now feeling.
I am such a better version of me, I feel incredibly liberated and I’m overly excited. So wonderfully excited about almost everything I think about (note I also decided to stop giving any type of shit about anything I wasn’t getting any type of good feeling from – life is too short – fuck it. Changed the mindset)
This spiritual drug is something I am doubling down on. I want more of it, I start to understand that there is so much further I can go. I had read about this overwhelming feeling of positivity that would flow from those who’d already made the change but it’s only since I chose to truly look for the kingdom of Hades that I was able to find it.
I had been searching for happiness in the physical world, the wrong place – it was always inside me. Right under my nose.
Right I’m off to Run a half marathon for the lols. It’s 6:30am and the day is fresh.
P.s I’ve nearly signed up to my first running coach course – for the first time ever I feel like learning. I wasn’t a fan of learning at school.
As always email me on mills@ustwo.com
