I’m gonna make a change, for once in my life.
50 days to the day I decided to quit alcohol for good. Good riddance.
I also decided that I needed a challenge in my life so I signed up for the Centurion 100 Miles ultra that I will compete on October 13th 2018.
Combined with the decision to stop sipping from the Amber of disillusion and to turn myself into an elite athlete I decided to stop and never again eat bread, pizza, burgers, chips, red meat, (I’m slowly eradicating chicken) bacon, any processed meats, crisps, ice cream, puddings, cheese, anything processed – anything shite (thanks for accommodating me Lis)… I’ve looked into vegan with increasing interest over the last few weeks but when a mate gave me a recipe which substituted cheese with yeast flakes I knew i wasn’t quite ready (yet) – I know I will get there.
I can’t write particularly well so I’m just gonna say what’s in my clear head – I’d got completely stuck in a cycle of over reliance on alchohol to give me self confidence pick me ups. Using it as a fix to solve any issue or problem I was dealing with – I’m not talking major issue drink problem here but drinking a fair amount every single night for years meant that I was starting to fill out… of recent months I’d walk past shop widows and see my reflection… aka BARRY BEEF - increasingly expanding waste line and the eruption of moobs – but I knew that sinking feeling of not feeling good would go a few hours later when that beer flowed like wine. Doubts gone! Mr Fitty is back! It’s actually amazing what it can do (temp fix)
Except there was other issues… for one my enjoyment of alchohol wasn’t what it used to be. I was increasingly noticing myself not actually being able to talk properly at parties or nights out, I noticed I was retracting from my usual chatty self as the words that would often come out where slurry. I didn’t like it.. it was not something I was used to but I parked it..
So I would be out most nights, I’d be getting up early – a micro run which was my attempt to burn off the alchohol and bad food from the night before. I’d wake up tired – head for some gluttonous breakfast and then deal with a day of real stress and stress that I’d no doubt have made up… however what was increasingly happening was more worrying. Towards the end of the day I’d start to lose the ability to properly talk… my mind would literally ache and I’d be on auto pilot – I’d get home absolutely destroyed and unable to communicate – until that wine flowed… magic.
I wasn’t happy. In fact I’d spend every day going from extreme highs to extreme lows. I was so used to this eternal search for a happiness I’d given up believing was ever gonna truly come (happiness for me would have been contentment – being ok with the day infront of you – not forever craving the next rush – living in the present) – this was life… or so I thought.
Work hard, drink hard – party hard. That’s life right. Stressful running a business.. deal with it – de stress over some beers and moan at your Co-founder about how hard everything is – perspective barometer always broken… clouds everywhere.
Get a fucking grip mate.
One day, not sure why… 50 days ago I had enough of feeling sorry for myself. I actually had an epiphany except I can’t remember what it was. Something just reminded me that I only have this life – it hit me hard. I only have each day – the now was the point of life and my health was the only actual thing that mattered.
I’d spent forever living in perpetual fear that I’ll never ‘make it’, that I’ll never be ‘successful’ – BUT I suddenly realised it didn’t matter. If I could get fit, if I could stop drinking, if I could replace the shit food with the most nutritious food I’d bet that my mind would unwind and become clearer – if I felt good inside I could deal with anything – I’d actually feel good! Surely mental health was intertwined with physical health… all this time I’d been abusing my own body – me! What the fuck had I been doing. No wonder I had spent years and years not feeling good – prick.
I love going extreme so overnight I just cut off everything bad. I went from not really running to running every single day for the last 50 days barring 2 (I love running) – I’m eating the purest food – I’m not drinking the mood poison. Drinking used to be something I couldn’t dream of living without but overnight I just flushed it. The more I thought about the liberation of not having to drink it the happier I got. Every day I wake utterly excited. My clarity is amazing… my mind is like mineral water except clearer. My mind is balanced!
I also made this decision because I wanted to learn. I want to learn about the world and importantly for me about me – I want to talk to as many impressive people as I can and I want to remember it… every hour is now precious to me. I want to go to parties where I don’t drink but I am just as fun as anyone else but I want to get up at 5am the next day and feel amazing.
I’m not just saying this. But I feel utterly utterly incredible. I actually can’t believe how positive I feel. How excited for each day and for each ‘challenge’ I face at work or in life. My heart beats as I write this with an excitement for the future I’ve never in 39 years experienced… the positive feeling I have about my health and fitness has fuelled my thirst for life… it’s a game changer. Physical fitness is the shit and makes you feel better!
(Because of the above focus on running and nutrition and no alchohol I went from 204 lbs to 184 lbs over this time and intend to keep going… to coin my favourite band… I’m flying without wings)
Right – I need to go to Nike Town.
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