Unlocking the winged butterfly.
I have zero clue what this post will be about, and that’s ok.
Some would say being a morning Reggie is a good thing. I most certainly would. Being a morning ‘Reggie Red Face’ is even better. I thought this as I finished my 20 mins 145–155bpm heart rate challenge I’d set myself — or more explicitly set to me by my coach.
In those 20 mins of high intensity (3.4 miles if you care to analyse) there isn’t much time to think, in fact there was barely time to breathe which is why I had such a high heart rate. The emotion however does unlock once you end it. On finishing the run the click of eternal hope chimes in (usually lasting about 20 mins). The sweat is flowing like a waterfall and you know, I know! that the day is gonna be amazing.
It’s that red faced, sweat laced, unlocking of the door to actual feelz that I crave. These days I am craving an actual sense of purpose, of reason… and I increasingly get it from the way my body feels.
I think this is my maiden voyage to spirituality.
( I used to think this stuff — unlocking spirituality, was for people who have lost the plot.. it’s not (well maybe it is and I lost it).. but it’s about letting go of so much bullshit that you’re conditioned to hold on to and letting yourself take yourself not serious — lets not forget. Nothing actually makes sense in this life, and nothing actually actually matters.. chill the fuck out — hence why I now meditate)
… and back to the real world. I don’t mean vanity feels, I don’t care what I look like per se, although I have had a few arguments with lis (my wife) who says it’s inapropriate for me to consider wearing tiny shorts on holiday.. (tiny shorts are the shorts that unfairly seem to be offered up to women in stores but not to me as a man! — Like short shorts.. micro mini ones.. (imagine coupling micros with a nice crop top while running — damn thats a look, in fact it’s a look that I probably like because a newly acquired running hero, Jim Walmsley done tiny Hoka one one shorts and this custom crop with cirlces cut out.. damn it’s fresh).
I want the freedom of the tiny, and I want to see the leg that is part of a body that is getting me to happines. Might create my own set of micro shorts purely for the runner who wants to be free as a bird..
Wow.. that was a bit of nice unleashing insania.. I like it.. I like writing as it comes out of my mind.. A kind of reverse meditation that acts as meditation. Rather than hold back the thoughts , let them spill onto the page as if you can’t stop them.. try it — it’s liberating. It’s arguably the very essence of freedom defined. Except I doubt that’s right.
The point of this post was there not to be one unless one presented itself.
The point is it’s been a hard week mentality when it comes to running. I took a break, somewthing wasn’t working (actualy for fucks sake I just actualy found out it was actually my Garmin watch that wasn’t working! — without locking onto the satelite my foreunner 220 uses an inbuilt acceleromter to estimate distance and pace, which meant that the demotivating runs when I just couldnt get pace up no matter how hard I pushed were not actually as bad a run as I thought!)
Anyway, the real actual point is that in the doomed (resting) week it’s amazing how the mind can play tricks. I felt an instant dread of getting fat, an instant dread of losing all the work I had put in over the 6 months. My motivation for running was going, perhaps gone. Running was my purpose in life. How can a feeling turn so 180 on me.
It was double hard as mates of mine who only came into running recently were Stravaring amazing speeds, amazing distances. It’s amazing how you can be both inspired by friends but also completely jealous.
I stopped looking at the scales (losing weight weekly has been a brilliant motivator and made me truly happy) because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle the sight of increased KGs, I found myself strategically placing lights so that the appearance of my body changed with the light and thus gave me a feeling of reasurrance that muscles were not wasting away. Bloody hell that’s kind of neurotic.
I felt like I’d made a mistake in taking on a coach — runs pre coach were easy, go when I wanted, make up the routine. Run for ages but not actually focused, let the mind wonder. Hobby versus job. But here I was being told to rest! How can I rest if I want to make gains in my fitness. I’ll get fat! I’ll not be able to achieve my 100 mile 2018 goal.
But something strange happened, after about 4 days of feeling glum, my body and mind actually started to transform. Motivation came flooding back, and almost out of knowhere a renewed appreciation or awareness of the work I had done hit me.
One day, the caterpillar stops eating, hangs upside down from a twig or leaf and spins itself a silky cocoon or molts into a shiny chrysalis. Within its protective casing, the caterpillar radically transforms its body, eventually emerging as a butterfly or moth.
In my rest week, or rest 10 days or so when running has been a minimum and pace has been slow I was able and focused on my Yoga, my stretching and my Planking.
I do a daily 7 minute of actual planking with 45 second breaks between each minute (lifting alternate legs in some of the sets)
Planking — I have since discovered could be the key to eternal happiness. Last night I read up about the benefits of planking. And what I found resonated with me. It turns out that planking is an incredible creator of abdominal (core) muscles, it actually is the best. It engages every muscle and strenghthens your back. Almost overnight (if overnight is about 1 month) my core became rock solid, muscles became easy to see (I don’t really care about that) and I became truly aware of the change in the way I feel.
Weirdly the skin on my body feels like it’s changed.. It’s kind of loose, which Lis (my bestie and wife) tells me is a combo of losing weight and getting old!! — but it feels amazing.. My metabolism has shot up, I actually feel hungry a lot of the day, which I make sure to replenish with nothign but health.
Fuck knows what this post was about, it’s a love letter to myself, and thus anyone reading to basically stop drinking (ironically I haven’t even thought about alchohol at all in the last 12 days but for the purpose of this post I wanted to remind that being completelyk sober for 6 months has been the best thing I ever did) — stop eating meat, sugar, bread, pasta etc.. change to fish and tofu.. but most importantly in terms of todays musings.. is get planking.. It will change your life.. Something physical happens as I describe above, but mentally there is no better feeling when you are in the plank because you feel completely connected to your core, and area I have to admit I had’t really paiud much attention to over my 39 years of existence.
Last week, an amazing week as the feeling of motivation, and of once again having the ability and lust for running came running (pun intended) back to me also got level upped by me mentally signing up — I’m in the process of begging the race organisers of the 100 Mile Ultra Tour Monte Rosa 2018 because on paper I don’t fit any of the requirements in terms of my experience — right now the one thing that truly terrifies the fuck out of me would be both having to train for 100 miles and actually doing it.
And thus exactly why I need to do it.. reminder to myself, this year was about pushing beyond anything I have done before. This was about only doing things that truly scrared me.
Training is now locked and loaded for the 100 mile September challenge. Ouch the fuck wow. Ha ha ah ha ha ha…
Cannot stop loving life. It’s not real to me anymore. I don’t need to care. Hence I care so much.
THE BEGGINING.
Mail me on mills@ustwo.com if you like talking about planking, finding spirituality in running, and waking the fuck up out of your own conveyer belt zombie mind.
