4 Easy Ways to Activate Your Life to Happiness
My grandmother passed away a few years ago at the ripe old age of 95. She was the happiest person I know. Yet, if I looked objectively at her life, she actually had a pretty hard life.
Her father was a gambler who gambled their life savings and future prosperity away. As a direct result of that, she was married off quickly to a truck driver in the neighbourhood when she was very young so as to not be a financial drain on her family. No sooner was she married, Japan invaded and occupied Taiwan in WWII and my grandparents were forced to go to Japan as they needed truck drivers for their war effort. For years, they were treated like second-class citizens. They were made to work and support a regime they did not believe in, the children were forbidden to go to school, could only speak Japanese and cook only Japanese food. They were forbidden to socialise with others from Taiwan. The stress and the isolation were so bad, my grandfather took to gambling. Consequently, my grandfather became very bitter and the family never had much money. Years later and back in Taiwan after the war, my grandmother gave birth to 7 children (not that uncommon in those days). As the kids grew up, one of them became a bit of a black sheep and started gambling. Through it all, she remained smiling, happy and always the first to say life is good.
My grandmother always attributed her optimistic outlook to the Buddhist philosophy. She accepted the suffering and misfortunes life gave her with a warm and open heart and made the most of it. Or maybe she just wanted to be reincarnated to a more lucky being the next time round!
I attributed her happiness to the power of genetics because I found no other logical way to explain why she would be happy in the face of all that!
Martin Seligman, a pioneer in Positive Psychology, came up with the following formula for happiness:
Happiness = 50% Baseline or genetic capacity for happiness + 10% Circumstances/external events + 40% Factors in person’s voluntary control (eg. daily activities)
Hmmm…I guess we can’t do much about the genetics part. And I sadden to report I have not inherited much of that natural optimism my grandmother seemed to have possessed. So that takes a whopping 50% out of the equation since there’s nothing anyone can do about that lottery draw.
The 10% comprises life’s circumstances or life events as they impact on you. Sure, we would like to think we can exert some degree of control over our own circumstances, to try to influence things for the better. But I think it’s fair to say most would agree none of us has that magic “stop” button over life’s external shocks and bruises. Sometimes things just happen. Covid pandemic. Mass retrenchments. The actual events themselves are not something we could have even envisaged, let alone control.
That leaves us with the remaining 40%: how we choose to respond to life’s events and the daily activities we build to change our outlook and our level of happiness.
Plenty has been said about how high performers do this and do that. They say things like “I’ve written 5 books while raising 2 kids” or “I’ve created 3 startups using these strategies”. What’s more…they say “If I can do it, you can too!”. And we’re intrigued by their secrets…only to read on that they get up at 4am every the morning, sprint through their activities through the day and don’t go to bed until midnight. I’m tired just thinking about it.
So what’s something remotely realistic for us mere mortals?
1. Activate Your Body
I’m sure you’ve heard all about the benefits of exercise, from endorphin release to serotonin boost. Somehow, our enthusiasm overtakes us and the voices in our head end up saying…let’s shoot for that half-marathon! Sure, we can aim for a 10 mile hike! This is great for those who enjoy breaking out in a sweat. I am physically lazy as hell. I’m the person who walks into any room and scans for the closest empty chair to sit in. For those of you who are NOT into exercise, here’s what I recommend.
Routine: Kickstart the morning, with a 5–10 minute mini-exercise. It can be a bit of light stretching, some casual running in place, shadow boxing or jumping jacks just to get the heart pumping. Think of it as coffee for the body to kick start the day and set you in a good mood. Even if you really detest exercising, 5–10min is a short enough time commitment for you to “just get on with it”. There are even 7-minute workout apps to help you get started. Time Required: 5–10 minutes a day.
2. Activate Your Mind
I’m sure you’ve heard of the many virtues of writing down what you want to achieve. I’m a big fan as well. There is something concrete about the act of writing that makes it more real. What we write down, however, can vary from the extremes of Aspirational Vision Setting and the right-here-right-now of To Do Lists. I’d like you to try thinking about the that mid-point between the two. This is the crucial bridge to link Vision to Commitment then Commitment to Action. By stating your intention, we are moving our mindset from “I want to…” to “I’m going to…”. We are moving our mindset from our boring list-ticking “Need to do…” to goal-affirming “I’m going to do X so I can achieve Y.”
Routine: Create your list with intentionality. Whether you do the list at the start or end of day, think about the why of the the item you are about to put on that list. Sure, there will be tasks that are simply Have-To’s. Buying nappies, vacuuming the house. But as you compile your list, focus on the benefit the activity will bring. some might turn out to be completely tangential to where you want to go and some may not matter in the grand scheme of things. Through this mental questioning, you may even find new and creative ways to do the work that will also help you achieve your longer-term goals. Time Required: 10 minutes a day.
3. Activate Your Spirit
Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet: “Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”. If it is indeed true that genetics contributes to half of our overall happiness level, then we might do all that we can to move the needle on the 40% that we can actually control. On that 40%, given the choice between Learned Helplessness and Learned Optimism, which would you choose? I choose the latter. It starts with cultivating positive emotions. Facing each new day by focusing on the positives in your life. Feeling a bit down? Recall and relive in your head the last positive feelings, how much fun you had, how much joy and contentment you felt. This will help re-energise your outlook. Push aside the negatives if you can — don’t pre-empt the end of the world by always thinking the worst before anything actually happens. When bad events occur, don’t become immobilised by the event and ruminate — don’t cry over spilt milk. Instead, take back the 40% that’s still in your control. If we’ve suffered a setback, think back on the last time we overcame a similar situation. If you’ve done it before, you can do it again. You can reframe the bad event into a more positive “what can I do about this…” actioning.
Routine: Savour the Moments. Stop and smell the roses, whether it’s something great that we’ve tasted, a novel experience we’ve just experienced, or even the grandness of nature. Take the time to really relish in your feeling of joy or wonderment and awe. Take in the positive even in the little things, be they the cascade of autumn leaves or the blossoms in the trees. Don’t let them just whizz you by. Time required: 5–10 minutes a day.
4. Active Your Gratitude
No matter how bad things might look now, we are still extremely lucky. Just watch the news to see how other people around the world are living. For the majority of us, we have water that just comes out of a tap, decent food on the table, a warm place to shelter. Whatever is happening in your life, there is still a lot to be thankful for.
Routine: Seligman recommends for us to finish each day by journaling 3 good things that have happened to you today. Specifically, focus the why your 3 good things are good; what have they helped you or someone else do, think or behave. Time Required: 5–10 minutes a day.
So, in 20–40 minutes a day, we can all get a little bit more positive and feel a little more optimistic about our lives. Exercise a little, think with more purpose a little, pay attention a little and express your gratitude a little. Consistency is going to be the key here. There are no overnight miracles.
Do you have 20 minutes to spare to make yourself happier?
