Everyone is a Good Person, According to Them
Why arguing with people is meaningless and doesn’t change a thing
Are you a good person? Do you have good intentions?
No matter who you ask those questions, the answer will always be the same — YES. Everyone is good, according to them. People generally don’t admit they are wrong. Others are wrong and don’t understand their views.
People who commit crimes do them with good intentions - based on some twisted story they are telling themselves.
“I have spent the best years of my life giving people the lighter pleasures, helping them have a good time, and all I get is abuse, the existence of a hunted man.”
— Al Capone
Parents who beat their children say the kids misbehaved and they wanted to teach them a lesson.
We are all the same unless we make some effort to be more aware. We make excuses and try everything to justify our actions. When most people are wrong about something and later find out about it, they just avoid apologizing, until they don’t have a choice anymore.
So most people don’t see all the things they are wrong about and don’t admit they made a mistake. What’s the point of arguing with someone then?
People judge others by their actions, but judge themselves by the intentions. They are not critical of their own doings, no matter how much harm they cause others.
Telling someone they are wrong is useless. It hurts their ego and pride, which activates their defending mechanisms. It’s the best way to push someone away and make them not want to spend time with you.
Confronting someone close to you makes them feel bad, without actually solving the problem.
Don’t waste time arguing with others and trying to change their views and believes. Work on your goals instead.
You can give someone advice and tell them your vision. Just don’t forget that they have every right not to agree with you and continue doing, what they think is right. As humans, we all have free will.
In the current moment, we have too many opportunities to argue with others because of differences in beliefs.
Take for example wearing masks. I can’t go online without seeing some of my friends sharing articles supporting their views. No matter if it’s a pro or against masks post — the comments are all the same. People agreeing with them and people arguing with them. Among the hundreds of comments on this topic, I read the past few months, not once did I see a comment like “Thank you for sharing your opinion, you made me change the way I view wearing masks”
It’s the same when it comes to politics, the economy, raising children, and religion. You won’t change someone’s opinion by stating a fact why they are wrong and you are right.
“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”
― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
Instead of wasting time arguing with people you care about, start working on yourself. Learn to be more understanding and forgiving. Practice some self-control and try to be more self-aware.
If you still decide to confront someone about how wrong they are — ask yourself the simple question: “At this moment, does being right mean more to me than the friendship/relationship I have with this person?
