Six Traits of Under Performers
How Your Beliefs About Yourself and Your Circumstances Hold You Back
“Telling a truth you’ve been trying to hide is like going from pitch black into blinding light. It’s shocking at first, perhaps even painful, and your instinctive reaction is to keep your eyes closed.”
- Barbara Stanny, Overcoming Underearning
I’ve been floodlighted with the truth before by well-meaning loved ones, but never have I ever been bitch-slapped with the truth by a book like I was when I read Overcoming Underearning by Barbara Stanny (now Huson).
The cold, hard truth her words taught me was this:
Like it or not, earning less than you deserve is a result of your own choices.
I was dumbstruck because I knew I was smart. I knew I worked hard. I thought I was doing everything right — that’s what made it so confusing. I was frustrated that other people were getting ahead when I was still living paycheck to paycheck, and digging deeper into debt. And to be honest, I felt self-pity for being stuck on a bottom rung.
How could it be my fault?
While reading her words, I realized all of the results you have in your life are reliant upon a combination of circumstances beyond your control plus your own choices: where you live, what you do for work, what your body looks like, who you’re in a relationship with.
By extension, I believe all of these circumstances come to be a reflection of what you believe you deserve. They are windows into your self-worth.
If you’re happy with what you have, you probably have a healthy self-worth.
But if you’re not living up to your potential, I can say with near certainty that your self-worth could stand to be higher. After all, if you believed that you were worth more, you wouldn’t be willing to tolerate less.
For the sake of simplicity, I’ll refer to tolerating less than your potential as underperforming.
When you’re underperforming, your needs aren’t being met. When your needs aren’t being met, you feel deprived, which creates a host of negative emotions. But people in this state subconsciously keep themselves there, despite wanting to get out.
Underperforming has a few common underlying symptoms across each area:
Feeling Trapped
Underperformers feel trapped and believe they have no control over their lives. They justify or rationalize their circumstances.
“I can’t leave this job. I’d have to take a huge pay cut and start from the bottom again.”
“I’ve tried to lose weight before but diets just don’t work.”
Blaming
Underperformers blame other people or conditions for their underperforming or wait for someone or something else to save them.
“I’d be more satisfied in the relationship if s/he were different.”
“My boss will probably get offered a new position within the next two years, I just need to stick it out until then.”
Staying Comfortable
Underperformers can’t tolerate discomfort. Underperforming is more comfortable than inciting change.
“I don’t want to limit what I eat, I’d feel deprived.”
“Moving to another city would be way too much hassle.”
Self-Sabotaging
Underperformers self-sabotage, and justify their behavior.
“I say yes even when I don’t have time because it feels good to help others in need.”
“I just finished that course, but I can’t start my side business yet because I still don’t know enough.”
Rationalizing
Underperformers rationalize why getting what they want would be negative.
“I can’t leave this relationship because I might not find someone else.”
“People that make too much money lose their values. Besides, I take pride in getting by on less.”
Devaluing
Finally, underperformers don’t believe they’re worth more. Their devaluation of themselves is manifested in their actions: doing work for free, staying in an unsatisfying relationship, settling for a body they’re unhappy with, etc.
Here is the truth I am going to floodlight you with:
If you don’t believe you’re worth more, it’s because you are choosing to believe it.
Stop and give that another read before you go on:
If you don’t believe you’re worth more, it’s because you are choosing to believe it.
Admittedly, where you’ve gotten to now is probably the result of you not knowing you had a choice. Your present beliefs about relationships, time, money, health, habits, and self-worth have likely been influenced by your parents, relatives, peers, and your experiences.
The difference between yesterday and today is, now you have a choice.
You can choose to believe you’re worth more. If you’ve been tolerating less than your potential, that is your fault. And breaking through that barrier is your responsibility.
It begins with increasing your self-worth and changing your beliefs.
If you want to earn more money, you need to change your beliefs about money. If you want a better relationship, you need to change your beliefs about relationships. And so on.
Here’s an example of an exercise to get you started. Write on a page with two columns:
- What I believe about [time, money, myself, etc.], and
- What I choose to believe about [time, money, myself, etc.].
I’ve gone through not only this exercise (there are many more) myself, but the entire process of shaping my beliefs about relationships, time, money, health, and habits. In doing so, I molded my actions so that I know with certainty I’m building the life I want — and I’ve learned replicable steps that have changed the lives of my mindset students.
Having such a powerful light shone on such a painful truth, that the only reason you are not where you want to be is you, is not easy.
But once you decide you’re ready to open your eyes to the truth, you can begin the process necessary to earn what you’re worth so that you have the income, relationship, body, peace, and power you deserve.
I’m committed to learning and growing every day. Cultivate consistency, self-belief, and resilience with me through twice-weekly emails. Subscribe now at www.ritualmindset.com.
