The One Habit that Radically Changed My Sense of Self
… And six tips to make it work for you
So, as I’m writing this we are more than three months into coronavirus lockdown-life in the UK. I have had PLENTY of time to work on my self-love practice.
And of aaaaall the things I’ve been doing over those three months (and trust me — it’s a lot) there has been one habit which has radically changed my perception of myself, giving me a great big dose of self confidence and appreciation.
And that habit is… To-do lists.
I know — annoyingly simple, and probably not the first time it’s been suggested to you, but hear me out.
I have been a lover of to-do lists for a very long time. To me, there is very little in life that is as satisfying as getting to the end of your day and ticking off item after item, thinking Yes, I am 100% That B*tch.
But even though I’ve been using to-do-lists for so long, I’ve only recently discovered a way to make them work for me on a much deeper level.
To-do-lists are great for two reasons.
1 - They Really Do Improve Your Productivity.
It’s so simple and so effective. Having a to-do-list provides that little bit of extra motivation to get sh*t done. Chances are, you will feel the drive to get your list ‘checked off’ as soon as possible, so that you can relax in the evening knowing that you kicked ass.
It also helps you to remember what your sh*t is in the first place, saving you from that horrible stomach sinking moment in the middle of the night when you realise you forgot to send that really important email.
2 - They Boost Your Self Esteem.
Not only do these lists make you more productive, but they actually encourage you to take stock of how productive you already are.
We tend to forget about our good qualities and just focus on the negative, and that sucks because a lot of the time we are already doing a great job, we just don’t appreciate it.
But when you actually have it all written out in front of you, you see how badass you are, and you get to take that moment to pat yourself on the back, and appreciate yourself for showing up.
How to Make To-Do-Lists Really Work For You
So yeah, to-do-lists are awesome. But making any new habit stick is always hard, so here are a few tips to really get the most out of this one.
Tip One — Figure Out What Your Values Are
Up until now you may have thought that to-do-lists were all about hitting goals.
Well, of course they are very useful for that! But your goals should always be aligned with your values. And let’s face it, at times we might not have a big goal we are working towards, but we still want our day to day life to feel meaningful.
That’s why it’s really important to work out what your values are, so that you can then keep them in mind when planning your day. If you want a healthy happy life, you need to figure out, in a broad sense, what things are important to your health and happiness.
Here are mine.
- Activity
- Creativity
- Connection with Others
- Personal Growth
These are the tools I use to love myself. What are yours?
Tip Two — Plan Your Day Around Your Values
Ok, so now you’ve figured out what’s really important to you. Now you can start to think about how this fits into your day to day. Make a list of all the actions that you enjoy that also line up with your values.
For example:
Activity: Home workouts. Yoga. Walks. Dance classes.
Creativity: Writing (poetry, blogs, stories, plays)
Connection: Making plans with friends. Calling long distance loved ones. Volunteering in my community.
Growth: Reading. Practicing my violin. Meditation
Already I have a list of 14 activities that align with my values. That’s loads! Plenty to choose from when I’m making my daily lists.
Tip Three— Your Day Starts The Night Before
Have you ever heard of decision fatigue? In a nutshell — the more decisions we have to make in a day, the worse we get at making decisions.
It’s one of the reasons that supermarkets put chocolate bars by the checkout counter— we are more likely to make irrational choices when we are feeling fatigued by the decision making process of shopping.
It’s also the reason why some people (Albert Einstein and Barack Obama come to mind) choose to wear practically the same outfit every day — it means they don’t have to waste any of their precious decision making commodity on their clothes.
So, it therefore follows that making your to-do-list the night before is much more effective than doing it on the day. It means that you wake up with a plan already formed. You don’t have to make any decisions, you just need to get on with the decisions you’ve already made.
When I started doing this, I noticed a significant change in my morning mood. I woke up feeling focussed, positive and driven. What a great way to start the day!
Tip Four — Include One Stupidly Easy Task
At the top of every single one of my to-do-lists is ‘take a shower’.
Does it need to be on my list? Not really, as I very rarely start my day any other way.
However, having one stupidly easy task at the top of your list is just a simple way to start your day on a positive note. You’ve already got your first task done! Woohoo! Now onto the next one…
It’s also a really nice way to show appreciation for yourself in a small way. It signals to you that there is value in EVERY act of self care you do — even just having a shower.
Tip Five — Track Your Progress
Remember how you’ve been shaping your days around your values?
It is quite unlikely that you manage to hit all of your values every single day. Especially when most of your day is taken up by work!
Because of this, it can be easy to lose track of which values you are neglecting the most.
So, what I like to do is track my progress by taking note of which values I managed to hit each day.
Here’s an example of what I mean.
Here you can see how I include actions that line up with my values on my list (alongside more mundane day to day tasks) and how I track them. In this example, I did try to hit all my values, but unfortunately ran out of time to call my parents.
So at the bottom, I took note of the fact that I hit 3 of my 4 values.
By keeping track of this, I can make sure that I make ‘Connection With Others’ a priority on tomorrow’s list.
This is a great way to show yourself what you’re already doing well in, while identifying areas where you want to do more. We should never expect ourselves to progress in all areas of our life every single day, but by paying attention, we can strive for more balance.
Tip Six — Make a Visual Representation of your Progress
Having a visual reminder of your progress is such an amazing way to boost your self esteem.
I personally have a tree painted on my wall, with four sections representing my four values. At the end of each week, I count up how many days I worked on ‘Growth’, and I paint that number of leaves onto the ‘Growth’ section of my tree. I do the same for Connection, Activity and Creativity.
The tree is temporary (I’ll paint over it when I eventually decorate my office) but it is such a wonderful daily reminder of my efforts.
Now, I realise it’s not practical for everyone to paint a tree on their wall! But I still encourage you to come up with something fun and creative. Maybe a pin board, with coloured pins or sticky notes. Maybe a collage. Whatever it is, make it something you can look at each week that will help you feel the pride you deserve to feel in yourself.
So those are my top tips on how to make your to-do-lists tippidy top! Get ready to start feeling your awesomeness every damn day.
Thanks for reading! For more articles on radical self love, check out my body of work here.
