How can you overcome the fear of your success
We all know someone who talks more about what they are going to do than actually do it. People who don’t finish their projects (whether it is professional or personal). Some others don’t think their work is going to be good enough.
My favorite: when we are very close to success, we can almost grasp it…and this is when we slow down the process and have second thoughts.
That last one happened so many times to me.
From those mental patterns I learned something that I struggled to admit at first: I was afraid.
I always found excuses. Hiding that fear behind a “lot of work” I was having, or emphasizing “problems” that had to be fixed before I could get that other work or project done.
Whatever it was, I found a blocker. Most of the times imaginary ones.
I had this strange internal reasoning which consisted in saying at the same time that I wanted to be successful AND that success is only for others.
Such a strange thought, but sadly so common.
But one episode in my life changed my perception for good.
Grabbing the steering wheel
When I was about to turn 19 years old, I’ve decided to get my driving license. I wanted it as soon as possible to be able to go on holidays, by car, with a group of friends in the Summer.
It was March.
I had been studying and working at the same time for 6 months already. Still living at my parents’ place, with my brothers.
So I had a bit of money I could spend on things. That was my “own” money, that I earned myself, and I was so proud about that.
The first feeling of being independent, in a way.
The fees to get to the Driving School amounted altogether to a monthly salary of mine. I didn’t have that saved. But I had a purpose. And time was ticking.
I decided to pay the whole amount in two settlements and sacrifice the clothes and gadgets I wanted to buy or the parties I wanted to spend money at.
The average time to get a driving license was around 1,5 years, if you were fast. That is what people had told me. I needed to be very fast then.
Growing up, my parents told me and my brothers that if you worked hard and smart you can always get what you wish for. I knew I had to fully and heartedly apply that principle for that case.
So I told Lionel, the instructor, on the first day: “Look, I want to get my driving license before July. I can come in here only once a week. Do you think it possible I that can succeed this way?”
He looked at me and said: “It depends on you Elvis.”
At that very moment I knew in my heart that I will get it like I planned, against the general thinking. I started to smile. After all, exceptions exists. That time it would be me. I was convinced.
I knew I will have to sacrifice most of my free time to get it. Meet my friends much less. Maintain my good level at school and do my homework with less time to do them. Not buying the other things I had in mind.
I was afraid at times.
“Will I be good enough? What if I get an accident now or once I get the license? What if I cannot succeed and those sacrifices will be in vain?”
Then I began. As I had planned, I went once a week. I had hard times at first, getting familiar with the Traffic Code Book, passing the different tests. But then I saw I was improving and making fewer mistakes, week after week. I kept thinking about those holidays ahead. I kept thinking of the outcome.
After 6 weeks, giving the average mistakes I was making, Lionel told me that I was ready to pass the theoretical exam.
I went to the exam, with three others candidates from our Driving School. Two of them had already failed the exam in the past. After all, the theoretical exam is known for being the hardest part.
But I guess that by now, you figure it out that I didn’t care about the odds and statistics. Or, let’s say I cared about them… so I could prove them wrong. To pass the exam, it is required to do less than 5 mistakes out of the 40 questions.
Driving School candidates from other towns were also in the room. We were about 40 people.
Eventually, I was the only one who passed the exam from the 4 of us.
I had to take driving lessons in the early morning before work, except Monday and Tuesday when I had to go to school and hop in early trains to attend it.
I never liked to wake up early. But for driving, time seemed to have no impact on my motivation. I wanted it so bad. For my upcoming holidays but also for my future. I will use it for the rest of my life.
It seems that my driving skills allowed me to take the minimum hours of driving lessons required in order to attend the exam. I squeezed as many lessons as possible on my spare time.
The more I was approaching the finish line, the more I was excited.
I could smell the success. I stayed focus even more.
And eventually, what I hoped was going to happen… happened.
I passed my driving exam on June 30th, on my first attempt. I’ve made it!
I remember Lionel face’s expression that day. He usually never really showed emotions. That day I saw him with such a big smile congratulating me. He said: “You put your mind into it and the success is here. No secret.”
I also felt that he started to be emotional. Between the lines I understood “You’ve got it now boy. Look at you. You did it. I will miss you.”
I would miss him too. He made me feel so great all the way. He was always fair and supportive. I could say a ‘tough love’ type of instructor. What was also great with him was that he made me feel that I could achieve my goal.
That day, when I got home, I could proudly tell my parents: “Give me the keys, I’ll have a ride.” And wave at them my driving license certificate.
They were almost more excited and happy than I was.Their boy was growing up step by step and passing tougher and tougher challenges.
I let my friends know that they can count on me as another driver for our holidays this Summer to Palavas-les-Flots in South France (800km from our home town), by the Mediterranean sea.
I almost forgot my swimwear before going though…
That episode taught me a great lesson. A lesson I try to maintain in my every day life.
To overcome my fear, I realized that the dream has to be bigger than my fear.
The potential outcome satisfaction has to be bigger than the fear. I cannot be afraid to be great and get what I want.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
Marianne Williamson
The power of determination seems limitless. I had the feeling I could beat a cheetah if we were racing because I really wanted it.
My parents, my brothers, Lionel were essential in my success. A winning team that understood my goal and supported me all the way. They didn’t have “failure” in their mind, even when I was doubting in few occasions.
I learned that I needed to be surrounded by dreamers, fearless people. Only those could help me achieving my goal and support me through harder moment along the way.
I remind myself of this question when I experience fear : “What would the best version of me do?”
Having this question in mind helps me to focus on the outcome I desire. I go on and try just do so.
It is time to make fear a tailwind instead of a headwind.
Thank you for reading! Do not hesitate to “clap” and share if you found this article interesting. Let me know what you think in the comments section.
