In the Woods of Nobodyness
Where transformation happens. If you just listen.
One fine day, you realize that you’re Nobody.
There are times in your life when you are recognized as the expert, the veteran, or the authority. Perhaps, you carry decades of experience in the same organization, club, corporation. You are the dude that knows stuff. You master the skills.
Be it your profession, hobby or anything you consider important.
Then, one fine day, something makes you step out. Best case, it’s your choice (often after wrestling with pros and cons for a while); some other times, you really have no options.
Say you change role. Or even company. In extreme cases, you quit whatever you were doing and decide to start over in a different field.
In other scenarios, you quit a hobby or an extra-work activity and begin dancing, painting, jumping swamps, writing articles on Medium, you name it.
Here’s when something potentially overwhelming happens: you lose a part of your identity.
Off you go and, suddenly, you realize that in the new environment, circumstances, organization, you are Mr./Miss Nobody.
Yes, you’ve just stepped into an unknown territory: it might be a minefield, a place full of threats and hurdles. But it can also be a massive opportunity for transformation. It may bring the chance to unlock new resources and skills… a truly self-evolutionary experience. Just you don’t know yet.
You are in the Woods of Nobodyness.
Just until a few days before, you were so good at what you did that everyone was asking your advice, which made you the “SME” (Subject Matter Expert).
It could have been the case, that everyone wanted to hear your opinion or thoughts before making a decision.
Perhaps you were the teacher, the trainer, the leader, the chief, the boss, the king, the master, the emperor, the Jedi.
When you entered a room or a conversation, everyone knew who you were. And you were aware of it.
Felt kinda good, didn’t it?
A New, Dark Land. And a daunting question.
In your new endeavors, you might face a daunting question you probably won’t hear in this specific form (but sometimes you actually do):
Who are you?
If people are polite, they may go this way: “So you are…” (then they take a pause that you’re supposed to fill in with your name and your job title, or whatever else is relevant in that context).
A bit better than the direct question. Yet, somewhat puzzling… particularly if this happens when your new date introduces you to the parents.
Ironically, this can occur even when you get promoted and you enter a different “league”. I remember when I took my first executive role and spoke up during a conference call. At some point, someone said: “I apologize if I don’t know who’s speaking but my answer to that is…”
Wow, that sounds bad.
Sometimes, nobody’s gonna ask the infamous question. But you can feel it in the air as your sight crosses the sights of the people around you. So, you give in and do the job of introducing yourself.
Sometimes, you may need to spell your name (“Ehm… Vale-riano, not Valentino” — unsurprisingly, I have grown to hate the latter), or illustrate what-in-the-world your job title means (my mother still struggles to explain what I do to friends and acquaintances), or answer embarrassing questions about your work or your hobby.
Some of these situations might feel almost like offenses. Your ego goes wild: “What do you mean ‘who-are-you’? Don’t you know I’ve done this and that? How can you not know my company? My job? My credentials?”
Unexpected encounters in the Woods
Sure enough, we all want to be somebody. Nobody wants to be nobody.
But there are times in life when we must realize that, in certain contexts, we are nobody. In fact, we have always been nobody.
Because for the most, outside of our little gardens (our company, family, circle of friends, etc.), people don’t recognize us, neither our expertise nor our “authority”, if we ever thought we had one. It’s a tough realization.
The Woods of Nobodyness are wild, dark and frightening — if that’s what you believe they are.
Some people stick to the same role or company for years or even decades, much rather because of the fear of finding themselves in this land than because they really find purpose and fulfillment in what they do.
But it doesn’t necessarily need to be like this. ’Cause here’s the catch: you can approach the somebody vs. nobody dilemma in two ways.
On the one path, you can despise the discomfort of being “unacknowledged”. You work hard to get over that period. You make yourself visible, learn as fast as you can, trying to show your qualities, skills, expertise.
I’ve seen many examples of this in my career. Newcomers who were seniors or experts in the previous company or organization immediately wanting to show that they can contribute and make an impact early in the game.
It’s almost as if they need to quickly justify their presence, be recognized, empower themselves. They come to every meeting and they want to speak up and express their opinion — too early, or too loudly, or way too often.
The alternative to this is… you embrace humility. You still feel the inconvenience of not being known, of not having a clear picture, but you listen. You stay quiet, you observe. You ask genuine questions with the desire to learn and understand.
In doing so, your “beginner mind” might even provide good out-of-the-box insights for people that have been working there for a long time. But let that be a complementary benefit.
If you’re able to take a step back — or just a deep breath — and focus on listening, learning, gaining perspective, you might come to another important realization, namely that you are already someone. In fact, you are You.
Nobody can be better at being you than You. With your unique skills, experiences, qualities, beauties.
You are uniquely You. Ain’t that amazing enough?
The times for your contribution, recognition and acknowledgment will eventually come… if you leave room for it.
So, when you find yourself in the Woods of Nobodyness, breathe the fresh air out there, it’s ego-free. Listen to the birds singing, you may enjoy their songs.
Let the no-body side of You come to surface. Give language to it and release it when you have met all the animals of the woods.
And perhaps, you even had a coffee with each of them. And listened to their stories.
At that point, I bet, they will know who You are.
Vale
Vale is an experienced leader, coach and storyteller — and founder of InSpiral, a club designed to “Inspire through Storytelling”.
You can reach Vale at valeriano.donzelli@gmail.com
