Catch My Breath

Through MRI scientists have found that meditation leads to: enhanced creativity, better focus, lower anxiety, and a lasting sense of calm.

For as long as I’ve known for myself; I’ve been all caught up with society’s expectations, standards and all else that we all fall for, and to which was my choosing because of my important need to gain that acceptance/validation from society of me. For so long, I was seeking and constantly making decisions and choices based on what others would approve of only and that really messed with both my mental health, my life and myself as a human being and citizen of society.

Yeah I’ve been through a lot but regardless of that fact, I wanna talk about how I managed to move from what I just explained above, all the way to where and who I am today. Before I start explaining and sharing my story on how I did this, I gotta comment here that it was not one ounce easy and believe me and anyone who stands by this also that it felt and still does feel like the right thing to do each and every time.

Making the choice that I made at the beginning of this process was not an easy thing to do at first. And definitely not the hardest thing to do in the process of itself either. It all started at a certain point into my mental health recovery (unknown of exact or estimated date occurred).

After what I already had succeeded and achieved up until that day I made that choice; I was lead to making this choice because of many reasons and all lead to the main reason being for my own mental health and wellbeing.

Distance was a friend of mine. Catching breath in a web of lies. I’ve spent most of my life: riding waves, playing acrobat. Shadowboxing the other half. Learning how to react. I’ve spent most of my time:

For so long I was believing the fact that I was actually okay and that I was who I appeared to others. But deep down inside of me, I was dying (mentally), faking it way too much (almost all the time) and not the person I wanted to be nor even who I lead myself to actually be.

I thought I knew who I was and who I wanted to become but with enough time, it taught me and gave me enough data to realize that it was all just a coverup for the things that mattered way more to me than being authentic and all.

And those things were that need to gain that acceptance/validation from society so that I could be free from that hate or rather the opposite of what I wanted. But truth be spoken here, I wasn’t set free once I met what I needed, because it only made everything from my mental health, to my identity, to everything in between that really got screwed real good.

I thought I knew all that I thought I needed to in order to achieve the things I wanted like my dreams, career, passions, purpose, etc. But truth speaks of wisdom here from myself in the future from my past self here that yes that’s originally what I thought I thought I needed to get what I wanted: to live a healthy, happy, well lived life. But I was wrong, we never truly know in many moments whether we know what is true, what is fake, what is wrong, and what is reality.

For all that I’ve accomplished in almost 2.5 years, I gotta say I’ve gained a whole lot of wisdom, knowledge and much more in which I am more than just grateful for but also happy, proud and confident with what I am able to do because of all my amazing and unbelievable success with my mental health recovery!

Catching my breath, letting it go. Turning my cheek for the sake of the show. Now that you know, this is my life. I won’t be told what’s supposed to be right.

I’m here today to talk briefly about what I want to start working towards now in this new chapter of my life in which I intend on using all the knowledge, wisdom, experiences, education and everything else with. My life may not be the kind of perfect that myself or anyone would expect their life to be, but I believe in rather a healthier and wiser definition fo the term perfect: imperfection!

Imperfection is what I’ve been gradually working on and seeing improvements and success as time passes. But since all those years where I attempted to strive and live a perfect life, it didn’t work out. And since then, into a certain point in my mental health recovery I started striving imperfection which I believe is kinder, healthier, positive and more like our current reality; to myself and each one of us.

Catch my breath, no one can hold me back. I ain’t got time for that. Catch my breath, won’t let them get me down. It’s all so simple now.

To end this here, I’m gonna say that I’m more than proud enough of who I have become and all that I have achieved all on my own and I look forward to what’s coming my way next! Hello world to a new yet improved me!