Fire Under My Feet

I tripped and I stumbled. Watch my world crumble. Sometimes you eat dirt. You live and you learn.

To start today’s post, I wanna start by talking about my struggles and then later turning them into wisdom and accomplishments. First thing’s first, I’m gonna talk with detail but briefly about some important struggles that I’ve had over many years of my life and how I’ve learned and became a better person in the end.

To explain in some detail of a few struggles which are: not letting shame get in the way of speaking up for myself regardless of all the possible outcomes that could happen in result. Another is also all the things that I was struggling with mentally on the inside: that demon (depression), self esteem issues, and others. Yeah we all have our own mental health issues: insecurity, shame, lack of self confidence (or not having enough) and others.

But back to talking about me with my experiences linked to my struggles. I would like to talk a bit briefly about how I’ve turned my struggles into wisdom and strength. Through my list of struggles and mental health issues that I’ve experienced with; I’m here to say that through all the work I’d done to become a better me and stronger with my struggles and issues, I’m so damn proud of all that I’ve accomplished in almost 2.5 years in recovery.

Thrown in with the lions. The tigers and titans. Afraid to get hurt. But now I’m making them purr.

For so long, I feared and was afraid to get hurt and prevented myself from getting hurt by following other methods for that fear of getting hurt. Because of my past experiences in the past, though it never does anyone any good running or walking the other way from fear. But eventually, I made the decision to stop running from my fears and facing them head on regardless of how scared and even hopeless that it might actually not be as bad as I may feared it would.

And believe anyone who says so that it may be scary at first, but it’s so worthwhile and not something I would ever regret. I am not one bit ashamed for anything that I’ve done that contributed to my mental health and wellbeing nor anything else. Though some particular things I’m still working on not feeling shamed within myself. Because the truth is, no one should ever feel ashamed for anything or anyone. So we must stop listening and giving into what society says to us and start listening to that voice inside us. It’s the right thing to do, trust me and everyone who stands by these words.

I got fire under my feet. And I feel it in my heartbeat. Oh, you can’t put out these flames. You can’t keep me down in my seat. I got fire under my feet. And I feel it in my heartbeat. Oh, go get out of the blaze. If you can’t take the heat.

There are many things in life including people who can tear us down to the ground and can really destroy everything we have and all that we can and have access and the possibilities of having. Though it’s the choice we make where we choose not to let those things and those people get us down and bring us farther away from all that any and all humans want to live and achieve with their life.

I know that I kept letting society win here on this kind of popular and so relatable scenario. I kept doing that because I felt weak enough due to giving up and giving in to easily. When life gets hard, no one should run the other way, (backwards: basically repeating the past) they should instead run or rather walk the right way: forwards (towards a better and healthier future).

How I can relate to this kind of scenario by explaining a situation that I’ve been in that eventually lead me to making the better choice to not have the past repeat itself? Well I gotta say that a time when I chose to run the opposite direction (backwards) because I found it too hard and too challenging, leading to the choice of that outcome.

Note: Though this example is kinda still a little vague.

Then later, I decided that regardless of how hard it was, as long as I wanted that something (reward: outcome) badly enough, it would be worthwhile and I would have to feel uncomfortable and that feeling of challenge in order to succeed and earn the results I want and know I want badly enough for.

Was drowning in quicksand. Nobody grabbed my hand. Thought it’d bury me. Instead, I’m set free.

After all my hard work with my mental health recovery from depression, I’ve really been feeling peaceful and free; for little more than 6 months. And I never thought it would feel like this at all. Being at the stage of loving myself unconditionally, I never thought of the point of being at peace with myself and well that feeling alone.

But I gotta say here on that note: I’m really enjoying all that progress and accomplishments that I’ve succeeded with here on this huge task and life skill. Which me and many others believe that so many people in our society don’t have nor practice.

There are particularly a few practices/acts of self love which are: loving yourself unconditionally meaning by accepting yourself as you are and only changing anything about yourself for your own reasons not including for the purpose or gain of someone’s acceptance/validation. Another is being comfortable in your own skin and wearing whatever you want without letting society dictate or demand what you are in order to gain their acceptance/validation. In addition to that, is being able to recognize when others mistreat you and acting on that awareness with emotional intelligence but also to stand up for yourself in times like this.

Moving onto bigger things. I began to spread my wings. No longer in chains. I’m dancing over these flames.

To talk a bit about this lyric above, I would like to say that I’ve been through a lot and have accomplished a lot and I’m at the point with my life and my recovery where I’m moving onto better things and starting a new chapter in my life.

Though I may not know what is currently in store for me in this new chapter, but I do know one thing: all my progress, achievements and hard work has been paying off and has prepared me for new things.

This may not be, not be perfect. But I’m happy and I’ve earned it. Every tear shed will be worth it. Step by step, ain’t looking back. Got no regrets, cause I got.

Humans may not be perfect, which is 110% okay, I’m one person who is more than accepting of the fact that it’s better to strive for imperfection rather that perfection. And to also strive for crazy (basis of genius) rather than normal in our current and constantly changing society.

You can’t kill it, you can’t keep it.

I’ve come to the realization long enough ago that we cannot kill what we cannot keep. We cannot kill the stigma because we cannot nor should keep it. The reason and proof of this is because stigma is 110$ or more unhealthy and so damaging and killing to our whole society and it’s our time and within our choice to choose the right actions to gradually reducing the stigma around mental illness for example or any other kind of stigma.

So therefore, we cannot kill what we cannot keep. Though my example isn’t exactly the best one to represent as proof or reasoning for my statement here.

You can hold it, you can’t harm it.

If you want something, we gotta do whatever we can to not harm it so we are able to keep it. We cannot kill what we cannot keep like stated above.