It’s Now Or Never
A lot of things makes me feel like its almost nearly impossible to either achieve or reach with my life. And a lot of that is caused due to anxiety, fear, worry, stress, overthinking and even some shame as well. Which is why I find myself not working towards all the things I want to have with my life.
To be happy, achieve/pursue my purpose, work towards a second career in psychology (social work to have many options for jobs to apply once graduated that I can use and benefit with my purpose and passion with mental health: counselling patients who suffer and live with mental illness).
Though the things I’ve let myself be held back by, I’m finally in the right position and time in my life where I have all that I need to start achieving the kinds of things I want to achieve and intend to have in my life. It’s my life, and no matter what my parents may have their own beliefs or thoughts against, I’m still gonna be me, choose happiness and achieve what I’ve been wanting to achieve for long enough.
Why do I feel alone?
A lot of times, I’ve found myself feeling lonely and other times: in need of comfort, support, friendship, compassion from those who I can trust and those who are willing to give me what I need in times of need. Too much over many years of my life, I’ve lead myself to believe that everyone is expecting me to keep up the act of not being okay or all that I’ve been holding inside of me through many years. One reason is because of fear, worry, overthinking, stress and that feeling and belief of being judged and shamed for feeling and believing the things I do.
I may experience things differently and I know I have to live with mental illness and in which I’m more than fine with that. But what I want others to understand is that there are things about me who lives with mental illness that they need to come to acceptance and respect with. They have to make the initiative to educate themselves on what they don’t know and what they don’t understand themselves so that they can have a better understanding of what I’m living with here and what they can do to support me better.
This can help with picking up the signs where they need to communicate with me but in a better way than someone like both my parents have been. Because I carrying a lot on my shoulders. And something that many or all of us have a problem/bad habit of doing: is not trying to find out what we don’t know about someone or why they didn’t do something or why they acted the way they did, we just focus only on wanting to be understood and to teach the others to smarten up, pull their socks up and do the work they are expected to do with no excuses.
But I have something to say about that, we are making excuses though they aren’t easily able to notice them because we are too focused on what the other person is refusing to understand and take action with. And that is one of the many things that are really screwed up in our society. We are so focused on being understood, we forget to be understanding of the other person. Think about it this way: put yourself in the other person’s shoes, now think about how you want the other person to understand you.
Maybe instead of focusing only on the need to be understood, try to understand the other person because you have been repeating this pattern every time and it’s time that you give them a chance to be heard and understood fully. Don’t you want that for yourself? If so, how do you expect them to try to understand you and your points if you don’t do the same for them at all?
‘Cause I’ll be alright all I need is a sign. It’s a long road. But I’m hoping things would just get better. Well I need to find. Where everything on the line. I got to make a change. It’s now or never.
Anyway, I’m gonna bring the attention back to my inspiration and what I have to say about seizing the moment: it’s now or never. Later is now, so make your move while you still can before it’s too late.
As much as I want to lash out or get mad about what my parents are being so stubborn, blind and ignorant about, I gotta remind myself that I cannot make them change. I can only inspire them, that’s it, I cannot demand or force them to change. As hard as it may be true, I know that it’s what I need to do and focus more on improving myself more. Inspiring myself, being creative and optimistic about life and all the things that I want in the person I am becoming and the things I want to have and achieve with my life.
Just like I’ve done with my mental health recovery in 2.5 years, I’ve come so far, I shouldn’t let anyone even my own parents make me feel like it was time wasted nor like it doesn’t matter. No matter how long they haven’t known what I’ve accomplished with my mental health recovery in 2.5 years, I know one day they will and I have to focus my time, energy, and my mind on improving myself. I can only change my own behaviour and I need to remind myself of that whenever needed!
I’m moving at my own phase. No chance of slowing down. To get to where I’m going. There no time to way around. Alright.
Well it’s time that I start focusing more of my time, energy, and my mind on what stands: me and my life. It’s time to start making some real magic happen in my life. It’s gonna be a new side and version of me that I’ve never imagined yet nor no one has ever seen or would expect from me. And I intend to do that for sure before the end of 2017, and the beginning of 2018!
Yeah I’ve been a lot of things in the past 21 years and I’ve made the same promise many times that I’ll change but trust me, once you open your eyes, your ears and your mind enough, you’ll be amazed and beyond surprised at what you’ve discovered that was under what you refused to look under. Look deeper, and you’ll see more than anyone would see without putting the effort to look more.
There’s so much that’s been under there, it’s been honestly weighing on me for so many years. I’ve been hiding so much, it’s way more than you may even imagine or believe that I’ve been holding inside of me. And you gotta understand why anyone like me would hide it for as long as I did. Fear of judgement, fear of getting hurt, getting shamed, and other conclusions.
We may be one thing from one perspective, but we are a whole other story when you flip to another page. If you want to understand more, try putting more of an effort to understand someone’s story as you would want someone else to do the same for you.
‘Cause I’ll be alright all I need is a sign. It’s a long road. But I’m hoping things would just get better. Well I need to find where everything on the line. I got to make a change. It’s now or never.
With all that’s been happening with my life, things are finally going up and looking more in the positive view of things. Because there are so many other things in the big picture of things that should be viewed and stood out more than the bad stuff and things that are too small in the big picture of things.
A little piece of advice given by a cousin of mine who I really appreciate all the advice he’s given me. Though I haven’t been in contact with him for a few years now (since November 8th, 2013), but I do miss him.
I can’t look back at what could have been. You just got to keep on moving on. You can’t think about what should have been. It doesn’t break you.. Makes you stronger in the end, I know.
No matter what’s been a part of my past, its in the past and I’m choosing to continue walking forwards. Because I wanna create the future, create the life I want to live. And not repeat the past in any way, form or method.
Life may be a lot of things both good and bad, but with time, it will tell and you’ll know a lot more than you know now. Just trust God (whichever God you believe in) and don’t forget that “the lord helps those who help themselves” as quoted in Grey’s Anatomy in Season 13 or 14.
So try not to overthink so much and just go for it and see what happens. And also try not to fear the worst or fear the end of the world. It’s not, that’s only your anxiety talking, it’s not actually true. There’s no real proof that it is, even if we were given a sign that we’re near the end of the world, we would all do something to fix it.
“There are two wolves. And they are always fighting. One is darkness and despair. The other is light and hope. Which one wins? Or in all moments: which wolf will you choose to feed?”
Which wolf will you choose to feed? Nothing is impossible, so don’t listen to society, your demon or your anxiety. They don’t know as much as you know especially you knowing yourself more than the world or your demon may ever know about you.
If you want things to change or for the world to not end, do something about it. Do positive things that equal in positive outcomes.
‘Cause I’ll be alright all I need is a sign. It’s a long road. But I’m hoping things would just get better. Well I need to find. Where everything on the line. I got to make a change. It’s now or never.
This is our time, let’s rise above and stand up for who we are, all that we know and all that we intend to be and show the world what’s really the right thing here.
Mental illness is not a bad thing, its a chemical in balance in the brain and it’s okay to not be okay all the time. No one is happy all the time, but when you know yourself or someone who isn’t okay and it’s becoming an unhealthy state, you gotta say something and be supportive!
