Pieces
Choosing to let hope be stronger than my fears
We all have parts of us that we fear and choose to hide from others due to judgements and shame being put on us. Shame may not be easily expressed but negative judgements sure become visible and powering over us if we let it. Though there are ways we can change that in our own control, choices and mind.
It’s the mind that has the control to make our life what we want. How we choose to live it, act, speak, think, be and survive. But I wanna talk about me for the rest of this post today.
Pieces of me that I’ve truly feared and became scared enough about letting others see. To be seen, that’s one of the scariest things we could do in the world. Well that’s what it feels like in these moments without thinking logically if that fact makes logical sense. To be seen and to be vulnerable with anyone, takes risk, courage, strength, commitment and much more to be successful in doing so without letting fear or worry get in the way or prevent us from doing so.
For me, I’ve had fears like this one aside from my old fears which I’ve conquered being: roller coasters, haunted houses and “Scary Movie 3” this particular fear was quite challenging enough more than the others to overcome. After overcoming the other fears, you would think that they would help me make it appear and feel to me as more possible and less scary to overcome this fear but it’s not exactly that simple even then.
Though at a certain with my mental health recovery, I started experiencing some mental health issues with a traumatic event that happened during my birthday last year and also having fears due to many problems as labeled as mental health issues that were happening inside my family. It was my choice to work on not letting that fear have more power over me nor over hope.
Why can’t they understand the way we feel? They just don’t trust what they can’t explain. – Phil Collins
More times often than not, I used to fear more things that were really just thoughts of what could possibly go wrong and how it could predict the future. Predicting and fearing that it was the end of the world. When deep down, and with time we learn that it’s the anxiety that convinces us that it’s the end of the world without any actual real proof to back up that belief/statement.
As I progressed, I slowly noticed that I wasn’t giving that fear of mine the power to have over me so much and eventually lead to the results anyone who can see deep enough that I’ve successfully achieved these results. And so now I gotta say here, I’m stronger because of my fears, and mistakes because of all that they taught me and who they made me into as a human being. And for that, I wouldn’t ever think of how I could have done anything different in all moments in my past.
If I hadn’t made the choices I made and the mistakes I made, I wouldn’t have learned and gained all that I have that has brought me to where I am today. And I am so truly grateful for all that I have learned up till today and I cannot wait to see what life and God has planned for me next and for my future!
I know we’re different but deep inside us, we’re not that different at all. – Phil Collins
For as long as I can remember with my powerful and strong memory, I had the idea/belief that I needed to be perfect to society’s standards and expectations in order to be accepted and validated. In order for me to be happy, I needed that validation from others, but truth be told here, the only validation that matters here is my own.
But since then, I have been working for many months now with only focusing on validating myself. Believing that I am good enough and that I don’t need to seek for other’s approval or acceptance of being good enough. I don’t need to have that need of constantly being validated by others. What I need is to validate myself. I am who I am, I like and love myself just and all as I am and if I wanna change something, I will for my own gain, that’s it!
I’m not gonna change for anyone nor to gain their validation, acceptance or approval. I approve, accept and validate myself as good enough just as I am! I am different and imperfect and I’m happier because of that part that makes me who I am and different from everyone else. I’m not ashamed of who I am nor anything about that, so I’m gonna continue being that and nothing less.
When destiny calls you, you must be strong. I may not be with you, but you got to hold on. – Phil Collins
As hard as change may be to enter and be impacted by it, I know and am more than willing to continue remaining outside of my comfort zone, challenging myself in order to continue changing and improving myself.
