I’m Struggling Immensely With Intrusive Thoughts
What’s the upside?
These last two days have been really hard. My thoughts are really negative and they are running all over the place. They are extremely judgmental, of myself, and of everyone else.
This is different from how my thoughts normally are. Sure, I get intrusive thoughts now and again, but they are so deeply negative right now, and so constant.
It hurts me. I don’t know if these thoughts are mine or not. I try to ignore them but they don’t go away. They bring with them their friends, shame and guilt. And fear.
Fear, that I’m a terrible person. Fear, that I’m too far gone. Fear, that I’m not worth it.
The only upside I can think of is compassion. Compassion for myself and for others who are struggling. Compassion for everyone because life is difficult.
And love. Love for myself, not because I deserve it, but, exactly because I don’t deserve it.
Unconditional love. A love that sticks around when things get hard. A love that doesn’t give up. A love that isn’t based on performance.
If I could offer myself this great a love, I could extend it to others. Instead of judging others, I could find myself loving…
