I’m Too Old For Superficial And Casual Friendships

Abbey Fatica
Jun 6 · 4 min read

Don’t Get Me Wrong I Like You As A Person, But That Doesn’t Mean I Want To Be Your Friend

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

The other day I gave my daughter grief over not seeing her friends that much this summer. It’s almost as if school brings a constant stream of kids to my house wanting sleepovers. This lull confused me as she is always asking if people can come over. I asked her what was up, did something happen? No, I want to be home and hang out with you guys. Huh, usually she wants nothing to do with us. Granted, she starts every morning with swim team practice but the rest of the day is hers. But once she said she would rather be home, I stopped my “mom nagging.” I let it go because this is me.

She likes being around people but when it’s time to decompress, the comfort of home is best. After being in school for nine months, she’s needs a break from everything. If that means not being around her friends than kudos to her for knowing how to take care of herself.

Most days, she occupies herself with projects, slime (ugh), reading and swimming. Occasionally, I’ve hear the word bored uttered, but usually she is doing her own thing. The only time I need her to find something is when I require personal space. Now that the kids are home, someone is always around. While I like spending time with them, I also need my alone time to recharge.

Choose Your Friends Wisely

While trying to find someone for her to hang out with, she only brought up a couple friends as possibilities. In conversation, she even said, I don’t really have a lot of friends. I know lots of people, but only a few am I close with. It was as if the light bulb went on in my head. She is realizing something now at the ripe old age of 11 I wish I had known when it came to choosing friends. Find a couple people who you click with and form a lasting relationship with them. All the others are usually superficial.

My daughter and I have been passed down a trait from my grandma allowing us to strike up a conversation with anyone we meet. The cashier at the grocery store, another parent on the sideline, or a fellow mom on the playground are my number one targets. I don’t mind small talk with people when I’m out. In fact, it helps pass the time and maybe our kids are in the same class.

Bonus: future play dates!

As far as making a tight connection at the park, it probably won’t happen. I’ll be cordial to you when I see you on the soccer field or chat it up when we run into each other at the library. But what I’m really looking for is someone to vent to about my issues without judgment. I am looking for someone who doesn’t mind when I text them that I’m coming over showing up at their doorstep five minutes later.

In the stage of life I’m in, I crave real, authentic, meaningful relationships with people who get me. Someone who loves and accepts me at face value.

Embrace Who You Are

Over the years I’ve gotten pickier about who I call my friends. I like lots of people, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to enter into a lasting friendship with them. Spending time at home with my family is my jam. Our time together is real, silly, fun and we enjoy each other’s company. No one cares if someone farts, in fact, it spawns laughter fits that go on for hours.

The one thing I do love about going out with friends is spending hours talking about how much we want to shake our children that day. Nobody gets weird when we talk about sex, child birth or poop. And a well placed f-bomb goes by unnoticed when venting about our spouses or other family members.

As I’ve gotten older, this is type of conversation is reserved for people who will not judge me by what I have to say. If any of things come up and you nod along in agreement then you can stay. If I see you flinch, we can be casual, small talk acquaintances and that’s cool, too. As far as being a friend, you might not be ready for my type of crazy and I don’t have time for that.

Making friends as an adult is no easy feat and finding people who are real are even harder to come by. When you find someone who gets you, then grab on because this is one is your ride or die.

As an introvert, embracing friendships in this way is right up my alley. If I’m going to befriend you, I want it to be worth the time and energy it took to find you.


Put your oxygen mask on first. Self care is essential for all parents to make it through the day.

I’ve created a guide 7 Steps To Saying Yes to Yourself. Get Yours Here!

The Instinct

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Abbey Fatica

Written by

Writer, Book Lover and Home Yogi. Content courtesy of my four children. Updates on my upcoming book at http://abbeyfatica.com

The Instinct

Listen to your gut. What is it telling you to do? Whether it has to doing with relationships, parenting, careers, writing, social media, self-care or life in general, follow your instincts!