Nina Sugandhi & Perjalanan Menemukan Jawaban
Karena kita harus terus menulis agar tidak tenggelam di keriuhan hoax, maka bacalah sepetik kisah dari kehidupan Nina, salah satu tokoh di novel “Urup”.
One day when she came home from school, Nina came up to Ibu, who was preparing to cook dinner in the kitchen, and asked,
“Ibu, who is my grandfather?”
”Why it’s Mbah Kung of course,” Ibu stopped slicing the carrot and glanced over to Nina. She replied carefully, aware that Nina was not asking about her father.
“I mean, Bapak’s father, Ibu. Who is he? How come I have never met him?”
“Oh, Bapak’s father passed away a long time ago. Even before you were born. Even I have never seen him,” Ibu had chosen her answer wisely.
“Then how come we don’t have his picture? We still keep Mbah Putri’s picture on the wall, even though she died when I was little, too.” Nina insisted, feeding her curiosity.
Ibu washed her hands, picked up her daughter and carefully sat Nina down on her lap.
“Why do you want to know, Nina?”
“The teacher at school said PKI was bad and evil. Some kids at school said my grandfather was PKI? Is it true?”
No matter how hard Bapak tried to escape his past, the past will not let him go too far. Rumors started especially when Ibu decided to marry Bapak, a young man apparently without history and no clear family background. Bapak and Ibu chose to ignore them, but somehow it managed to stick around. Although Ibu had hoped Nina would never ask this question, she knew it would be inevitable. She had prepared for this moment ever since Nina was born.
Ibu took a breath and caressed Nina’s hair tenderly before answering her question.
“Your grandfather is Bapak’s father. It doesn’t matter if he was a member of PKI or not. If it weren’t for him, Bapak would not have been born and grown up to be the good man that he is. I would not have fallen in love with him, and you would not have existed, Nina Sugandhi.“
Nina didn’t understand; Ibu’s explanation was too vague for her. Of course, it’s obvious that Nina is somebody’s granddaughter, but who was this person? Why hadn’t Bapak or Ibu talked about him?
“But what does that mean?” Nina insisted.
Ibu sighed. She knew Nina would ask more questions. It would be one of the challenges for Ibu as a parent, to answer the inexplicable questions.
“Let’s talk after Bapak gets home,” Ibu resolved the situation.
Nina wanted to ask more questions to Ibu. But Ibu proceeded to ask her to help in the kitchen to prepare dinner for the family because Bapak would be soon returning from the market.
Bapak had worked for a small tailor shop located near the Taman Sari compound near Kraton Yogyakarta. During his early days of arriving in Yogyakarta, Bapak would often hang out at the market located near Kraton Yogyakarta. He would go there in the early hours in the morning when the roosters were still fast asleep. He would wait for the first trucks carrying fresh produce from the suppliers to line up to be unloaded. That was how he made ends meet, by working as a minimum wage worker or by helping out shop owners at the market.
One of the shop owners was Pak Budi, a tailor whose shop was located near the market’s entrance. Pak Budi noticed the young man who would obediently turn up early and left late even after the market stalls were closed. One day Pak Budi asked Bapak if he would like to help him at the shop, but with 3 conditions: that Bapak must be honest, willing to learn, and work hard. It was Pak Budi who filled a hole in Bapak’s life and became somewhat of a father figure to him.
Nina sometimes would come to visit Bapak at the tailor shop after school. When business was slow and Bapak was allowed to go home early, they would stop by a small warung called Warung Jo. It was only ten minutes walk from Pak Budi’s shop. Bapak’s friend, Paklik Jo, short for Bedjo, owned it. He had been running the warung for as long as Nina remembers.
There were photographs, paintings, woodblocks, and artwork of any kind, posted up all over the walls at Warung Jo. It was like a mini gallery run spontaneously by the patrons of Warung Jo. Sometimes Warung Jo would have impromptu jam session when patrons would start tapping on the wooden table, followed by another clinking their glasses, and soon the cluttering chatter would turn into a melodic rhythmic song whereby someone would start singing out a phrase of conversation and as soon as one finished, another replied. It was always lively and everyone would laugh and enjoy the time.
Paklik Jo was a highly respected figure in the kampong where it was located. Paklik Jo had always looked after his community first. Because of it, sometimes Warung Jo also functioned as an impromptu town hall. It was the place for community to have meetings or friendly discussions over coffee and fried banana. Even though Warung Jo opened until late at night, the kampong residents did not protest. There were times when some patrons would get drunk or belligerent and disrespectful to the local residents. Paklik Jo would then ask them nicely, but with a firm tone of voice, to leave.
Due to its proximity to the famous Taman Sari, tourists from all over the world also frequently visited Warung Jo. They would share their travel tales and introduce Little Nina to a world of many wonders. Often she dreamt of visiting those foreign places that she only knew from the travelers. Paklik Jo welcomed everyone with good intention to his establishment, and everyone quickly felt at home at Warung Jo.
For Nina, Warung Jo was the place where she met so many different characters; artists, writers, musicians, a whole mix of people with different background. It was also the place where Bapak met Ibu.
Ibu was studying in art school and would come to Warung Jo to meet her friends. Nina heard about the story over and over again, from different sources. Paklik Dul said it took Bapak almost 1 month to gather the courage to talk to Ibu. Paklik Gus said Bapak wrote pages of romantic poems, he would read them at spontaneous poetry nights, without addressing publically that it was intended for Ibu, who was always attentively listening in the audience. Bulik Tata said at the time Ibu was seeing another man, who was highly educated and came from a good family background but she decided to choose Bapak in the end. It was the kind of romantic love story that Nina would carry into her adulthood. Maybe that is why Warung Jo resides in special corner in Nina’s heart.
Growing up surrounded by various patrons of Warung Jo, Nina developed a dream of experiencing the world she heard; the world where people are free to explore, solving mysteries of the mind and discovering the wonders of life. She decided that one day she would visit every place from a faraway land that was introduced to her through the stories of Pakliks, Buliks, and the travelers who visited Warung Jo. It was the dream that led her to come to Jakarta, believing that the big Durian was her gateway to the world.
Bapak returned home early that day. Ibu had told Bapak about Nina’s question, but he stayed silent about it, even during dinner when he would usually share stories about what happened at work. Nina felt uneasy. Maybe she shouldn’t have had asked Ibu that question. Maybe she should’ve stayed quiet about it.
“Nina, could you get me a cup of coffee?” Bapak asked.
“Yes, Bapak!” Nina startled. Usually Ibu would prepare his favorite black coffee.
“When you’re ready, join me at the porch, will you?”
Nina nodded and quickly disappeared into the kitchen. She prepared a cup of black coffee for Bapak. She put the kettle on the stove and while waiting for the water to boil she carefully put two teaspoon of ground coffee and a teaspoon of sugar. A few minutes seemed like forever, and finally the kettle whistled. Nina was so nervous that she almost spilled the hot water. Ibu smiled assuring her to calm down and focus. Nina smiled back and carefully she picked up the cup filled with freshly brewed coffee to the porch.
“Ibu told me that you asked about… my father?” Bapak carefully asked Nina. He poured the steaming coffee on to a saucer to let it cool faster. Sweet scent of caramel filled up the evening air.
“Ummm, I did. But it’s because there are kids at school who…”
Bapak didn’t let her finish her sentence, he said, “We live our lives for ourselves, not for everyone else. Why do you have to care so much about what they say?”
“Well, I..”
“Nina, “ Bapak cut her sentence short.
Nina stopped talking even though she had a million things to say.
“I… I never knew my father. He was… gone, when I was really young,” Bapak finally spoke.
She could hear Bapak’s voice trembled. He clearly chose his words very carefully, avoiding trigger words that might shatter his composure.
“So… I can’t tell you… what he was like,” Bapak continued.
Nina stayed quiet and let Bapak did the talking.
“You know Nina, when we face the sun, each of us casts a shadow behind us. We can choose to always look behind onto our shadows and analyze it, asking endless questions, and looking for infinite answers. But it also means we turn our back to the future. We can choose to live with our shadows, aware of its existence, and keep walking forward toward the sun. Make the best of our days. If not, we would lose our only chance to live.”
Bapak sipped his coffee from the saucer.
“Live and be grateful for that.”
He looked at Nina and smiled, “Don’t let anybody cast his or her shadow on you. You are only responsible for your own shadow.”
Bapak put the saucer down and lighted kretek cigarrete. Sweet scented fume from the clove soon filled the air. As he closed his eyes, he hummed an old Javanese song:
Kabeh iku mung manungsa kang pinujul
Marga duwe lahir batin
Jroning urip iku mau
Isi ati klawan budi
Iku pirantine ewong
Sigra milir kang gèthèk sinangga bajul
Kawan dasa kang njagèni
Ing ngarsa miwah ing pungkur
Tanapi ing kanan kéring
Kang gèthèk lampahnya alon
Nina closed her eyes and rest her head on Bapak’s lap. Bapak sang with all his heart. The song sounded sad; with each note it brought heavier breath to Bapak’s voice. Nina didn’t ask any more questions that night. She fell asleep on Bapak’s lap to the song of grief.
The question about Bapak’s past continues to linger in her head, even though she has never uttered them openly after that night. She discreetly learned about her family’s history from her uncle and grandmother. She would go up to Munthilan after school, and return to Yogyakarta before the day would end. That was when she discovered the truth about her grandfather.
The truth, however, did not stop her mind from asking more questions; Who took him? Why did they take him? What happened to him?
She started to express the questions through art and through reading books at school, and later from the corner bookshop in Cikini when she moved to Jakarta. Little by little Nina collected stories and clues; like missing puzzle pieces to be put together and eventually forming a complete picture. It had sparked a burning question, inspiring her to confront the past and reconcile with it in order to help her, and other people affected by this tragedy, to face the future.
This is the reason why she has been working late and traveling to remote corners of Java, Sumatera, and of course to that small island in Maluku. Nina, under The Gallery’s credentials, has been knocking on doors for this project to go through, and finally, The International Culture Institute agreed to support the event and they even granted accompanying research fund. Knowing that she had been trusted by an international organization, she takes this particular project rather obsessively. This is her chance to give some people back their dignity, to reclaim their lost identity. Including that of Bapak’s.
Everything must be perfect.
Apakah pameran tersebut akan sukses? Apakah Nina berhasil menemukan jawaban dari sebuah pertanyaan yang menghantui hidupnya? Apakah Bapak akhirnya akan menjawab pertanyaan tersebut? Apakah Nina berhasil mewujudkan mimpinya untuk berkelana?
Kalo kamu penasaran, ikuti link ini #UrupGiveaway masih berlangsung di Instagram sampai tanggal 30 September 2017.
