Explaining The INTJ Death Stare (RBF)

There has been a significant amount of press in the past couple of days regarding the proven scientific existence of the RBF (Resting Bitch Face). It certainly wasn’t a surprise to me, as I have always had it and it is a very real thing. I also don’t think it is as common as some like to believe. I have heard RBF called many things, including: Bitchy Resting Face (the dumbest description possible), the INTJ Death Glare and the INTJ Look of Death. Call it what you will; it is all relative.

For those that claim to possess RBF, here are a few questions you should answer:

• How many times in your life has a complete stranger looked at you and asked, “What’s your (insert expletive) problem?”
• How many times have you been called conceited, snooty, judgmental or “high and mighty”?
• How many times have you been asked, “What is wrong?”, when absolutely nothing is.
• How many times have you been told to smile more?
• How often were you called into your school’s counseling office with the assumption you were depressed?
• How many personal relationships have been affected by your RBF?
• At what age did all of this start to occur?

I got my first comment regarding my alleged conceit around 6th grade, and was called into my middle school’s counseling office several times during my duration, assuming that the most content and non-depressed person in existence just had to be depressed. Let’s not even talk about high school. I am not sure why so many on social media think it is “cool” to have RBF, but I am under the assumption that many of them don’t have it, because it is far from ideal. When your neutral face screams nothing but disdain, contempt and/or sadness, it is difficult to make a decent (or remotely accurate) impression on anyone, especially extroverts. RBF is very common among us INTJs, and has been a lifelong struggle for many of us. I have made my peace with it, but it is easy to forget sometimes, especially when we are interacting with someone new.

Nothing beats sitting at a job interview and having to consciously make an effort to smile. It is freaking awkward. And no, I am not going to smile on command because you demand it; It feels stupid, unnatural and I just can’t. My husband assumed, for the longest time, that I was sad and depressed all of the time when the truth was the contrary. I have to keep the RBF on the forefront of my mind when interacting with other people, and perhaps that is why social interaction is so mentally exhausting for us INTJs. We are so deep in thought 90% of the time, that our neutral face is almost always present. We get so deep in thought, we don’t even realize it until some little voice creeps in from the outside world asking the all too predictable question; What’s wrong?

Luckily, for those close to us, they eventually learn to ignore it. They also learn that as INTJs we will always flat-out tell you if something is wrong. We don’t play mind games and we don’t sit there with a puss on our face expecting you to ask us what is wrong (you know, like the other 98% of the population does). We may look like we are sitting there hating ourselves, hating the world, planning how we are going to create the next cult and kill off hundreds of people or any similar assumed theme, but chances are, we are just content and deep in thought.

I know. Us INTJs are so frigging complicated. Not really…just massively misunderstood. There is no need to worry about that, because we are more than used to it.