INTJ Advice | Don’t Blast Your Relationship on Facebook
Let’s start by logging this post under the “INTJ unwarranted (yet accurate) advice” section of the Internet. A “rant”, if you will. I was inspired by an obvious pattern of events in the past year, which I honestly don’t care about. The only reason I write this is to urge others to stop blasting every waking detail of every moment of their relationship on Facebook, because it is embarrassing, for so many reasons.
The New Relationship Facebook Mistake
If you have found yourself in a new relationship, that is super/nifty/great/special/fantastic for you. Genuinely. Most of us have experienced a new relationship and enjoy it just as much as the next person. Some people are even addicted to the whole “new relationship” thing, which opens a whole can of problems I won’t even begin to get into. The mistake you may immediately make is making many posts with verbiage such as, “I have met the love of my life”, “I am soooo in love”, “I’ve never loved anyone like this before” and so on.
Let me let everyone in on a little secret; Your relationship has an extremely high chance of failure, and you are embarrassing yourself.
It is of my opinion that the second someone feels the need to over-justify their relationship by making these public claims, is clearly not in the relationship for the right reasons. Anyone with a little bit of rationality, and anyone who has the self-respect to be even a little bit selective in their relationship choices will generally refrain from blasting these thoughts publicly. When I see someone get into one of these uber-public relationships, I automatically assume they are in the relationship because they want to be seen in a relationship and not because they are actually into the person they are in a relationship with.
The Relationship Communication Facebook Mistake
The next phase of the above described relationship is to make public posts to their significant other all over Facebook. Sending them little memes and posting terms of endearment all over their Facebook wall. First of all; Gross. Second of all, they are only further solidifying the fact that they only want to be seen as having a relationship, or even more embarrassing, a perceived good and healthy relationship. They need to quit fooling themselves.
The irony of this phase of the relationship is that it appears to be almost 100% one-sided. Typically, it will be one-half of the relationship that makes all the sweet posts, which is the dead-giveaway of which side needs all of the public justification. Now they are not only embarrassing themselves, they are embarrassing their assumed significant other. The inactive half is likely sitting there in quiet resentment each time they post, “You are the love of my life” on their wall, even if they feel the same, which is unlikely.
Word of advice? Communicate privately, like people did before Facebook. Write a letter, an email, send a text and speak to them in person. Always, and I mean always give your significant other the choice to share your endearments with their friends. Relationships are supposed to be about you and your significant other alone, not between you, your significant other and 1000 people that could give a rat’s ass.
The Relationship Oversharing Facebook Mistake
Speaking of giving a rat’s ass; nobody needs to see a relationship over justified by incessant posts that share everything they eat together, every activity they do together and every holiday gift they give and receive from one-another. Again, we all know that they are just trying to prove that everything is wonderful and glorious. The more they share, the more we all know the truth, and they may find that less and less people will “like” or comment on their overshares, either because they are sick of it or they know the relationship is well on the path to failure.
Speaking of Oversharing
I cannot even fathom the thought of doing this, and yet some do, and that is sharing problems. They only drive the nail in a bit deeper by sharing their significant other’s flaws, shortcomings and mistakes all over Facebook. Now that is how you build a strong relationship; Don’t ever communicate directly to your significant other, rather communicate with everyone but them. Don’t forget to make them look as awful as possible while you attempt to get all of your followers on your side for argument ammunition.
The Facebook Wedding
A potential result of all of the above, is a wedding. When I see a wedding come from a relationship that I describe above, I assume the reason for the wedding is for Facebook and not for each other. Further proof that they are awesome, have a great relationship and now they have the wedding and all the photos to prove it. They will spend all of their money on a wedding just for public validation and justification, which no real relationship needs.
The Embarrassing Aftermath
I often place little internal bets on when this will occur, because it almost always will. The only variation is the extreme of the embarrassment. My favorite is when the desperate driver of all the oversharing removes their Facebook profile altogether. When the public relationship, of which they desperately tried to convince everyone was healthy and idealistic comes to a screeching halt, I can only imagine the embarrassment. Their Facebook life has been nothing but that relationship for a maximum of a few months, and it is just too much work to remove all of that.
Even better, is when they leave it all up on their profile so that the next potential significant other can see very clearly what they are in for, and leaves the embarrassing history of “loves of their life” available for public perusal. For those that remove photos, posts and move on, there will be another relationship starting up soon enough; Another relationship to prove that they are desired, valuable and worthy.
End the Embarrassing Cycle
The lesson here, coming from the INTJ perspective, is to prevent embarrassment. I personally see the Internet, even social media, as a very public place which is written in ink. I will refrain from posting anything that is temporary, invalid or anything that has the potential to be embarrassing to someone else, much less myself. I am well aware that many people do not see it that way, but I do, and that is how I roll.
Originally published at Amanda Evans.