Does social media create Happily-Never-After?

The rise of social media has kicked off in the past ten years and has dramatically changed the way people live their everyday lives. This change has impacted many things including socialising, travelling and even the world of relationships. In the past few months tabloids went crazy with the unfolding events of the Ashley Maddison hacking scandal. The information that was leaked throughout this hacking scandal revealed that there was over 32 million Ashley Maddison users. There were many users who were in relationships and were publicly pleading their innocence. What should we take from this situation? Does social media encourage someone to cheat? Or is it merely a tool which makes it easier for someone to cheat causing relationship breakdowns?

Thanks to social media, we are able to keep in contact with a wide array of people much easier than what it was like without the technology. Social media usage has come to a point where we are substituting virtual, online connections for real-life social relationships. These behaviours are seen amongst the contemporary society, which also includes the ‘baby boomers’. Users are able to interact with instant audiences and grab attention, which social media users are often ultimately fishing for.

With this constant ability of being able to easily keep in touch, users are able to see what their previous ‘loves’ are up to and also view new potential loves. According to a study published by Indiana University — Purdue University Fort Wayne, frequent Facebook users are able to keep their eye on ‘back burners’. Most shockingly, this included people who were not only single, but also in relationships.

For a user who is not in any form of relationship, but rather looking for a partner, this virtual world makes meeting people somewhat easier (that is only if you are lucky enough to steer clear from the disaster dating). However, making it easier for single people also means that it is just as easy for users who are in a relationship to pursue future partners under the guise of innocent flirtation.

Social media has given people options that were not available before technology emerged. Previously, when social media sites and technology were not as popular, cheating on someone happened in a very different way. One would have to physically go out into the world, and meet someone face-to-face. Meeting someone through work, while being out one night or through a friend was the way to meet new people, there was no search bar which you can use to manually filter through potential partners.

Being behind a screen takes away the nerves that are generally felt when meeting face to face. This allows users to be able to express themselves much easier. Users are able to open up and say things in which they would not normally say. This is an issue for both users who are single and also in a relationship, as they are potentially expressing themselves as someone who they may not be, creating superficial ‘friendships’.

When connecting with someone from earlier days, feelings can often come rushing back. Mixing this with the use of social media, it can be hard for the perpetrator to understand, at the time, that their actions are unfaithful and wrong. Trading the face to face process with a screen and keyboard makes the consequences seem less daunting. Finding someone to flirt with or have a relationship with through social media, at the time, seems far-less risky and can be done with distance. A study found that students are 40% less empathetic than they were 30 years ago. It was found in this study that when there is less face-to-face interaction; people lose empathy, thus making it easier to say things before considering the consequences.

As social media users would rather virtually express themselves, instead of face-to-face, it can be assumed that without social media it would be less likely for users to cheat in real time. Without the constant news feed of social media ‘friends’, it would be less likely that one would come across their ex and therefore want to reconnect.

Back in the 90’s when technology was not as advanced and social media sites were scarce, suspicious partners would often find their partner cheating by looking at the phone bill, credit card bill or opening up their email account. Whereas nowadays social media sites, including dating websites are a quick go to, to find what cheating or flirting your partner has been participating in. It is found that Facebook in particular is the main site to blame for relationship breakdowns.

Whilst one third of divorce papers in the U.S and the UK cite Facebook as either a contributing failure or the convenient excuse, it can be proven that the contemporary society use social media as a blaming tool as the evidence is apparent. A survey recently conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers shows that 81 percent of divorce attorneys in the past five years have seen social networking used as evidence in cases. Marlene Eskind Moses, president of the AAML said that “As everyone continues to share more and more aspects of their lives on social networking sites, they leave themselves open to much greater examinations of both their public and private lives in these sensitive situations”.

However, on the other hand written communication is clearly not completely emotionless and unromantic. Thinking back to the children shows/cartoons that were around in the 1990’s (for example ‘Beauty and the Beast’) princesses would fall in love through written word in letters. Comparing this form of communication is really no different to writing through avenues like social media. Research concluded on an experimented performed that users actually became more emotional via writing words down compared to speaking them, which was much to the participants surprise. This can suggest that people are adopting the new communicating environment and are able to feel the same emotion and even romance through written messages as if they were being spoken face-to-face.

Social media has entwined its presence into everyday lives around the world. It allows people to publicly share their lives which often draws others in. When it comes to relationships, social media can create a whole world of temptation which has consequences that are not often thought due to the emotion that is extracted from a virtual scenario. Whilst adultery has always been around, and there is a high chance that in any situation that blames social media sites like Facebook, it is likely that the affair will happen anyway, Facebook simply makes it much easier.