The 20-Something Rulebook

Being a new member to the 20-something club, I constantly feel bombarded with advice, lists, tales of caution, and tips and tricks on how to survive the next decade of my life. More recently I came across this Ted Talk and it stirred something within me:

Meg Jay: Why 30 is not the new 20

Jay believes that “the rhetoric that ’30 is the new 20,’ trivializes what is actually the most transformative period of our adult lives,” and that just because people are generally settling down later, it doesn’t mean our 20’s should be a developmental downtime, but more importantly our 20’s need to be looked at as developmental sweet spot.

This advice however is of course nothing new; us youngsters are constantly being reminded to enjoy our youth and not to waste the time we have. What does stand out about this particularly message though is Jay’s psychologist perspective, and the facts and statistics she draws upon to back up her argument, which does in a way make me more inclined to take in what she is saying and possibly alter my behaviour because of it. The other part of me however thinks, while this is sound advice, when are strangers going to stop pushing age-limited timelines for our lives onto us and just let us figure it out for ourselves?

While those in their 20’s have always been held accountable to the fact that it is now time to grow up, there is now a rise in the stress levels and worries for young adults, and the constant inflow of advice, even though well advised and with good intentions like Jay’s, is not helping. Even just one look at the website Thought Catalog and you are exposed to countless articles telling 20-somethings how they should live:

There are rules, expectations, and timelines of what people should be doing and when they should be doing it by. Then if they suddenly don’t get everything done in our 20’s, they are told they have wasted a decade on nothing, and should just resign to their obviously unfulfilled lives, with little experience and lots of regret. This pressure can lead many to go either two ways — caring too much, or not caring at all.

Those who may be taking on too much were spoken about recently in the Daily Mail where they stated that there has been a rise in the, The Quarter Life Crisis, where twenty-something’s, “are facing exceeding pressures that are very different to their counterparts from 20 or 30 years ago…” and they are not dealing with the stress and expectations in a healthy or realistic manner, causing themselves to go into a whirlwind of panic. One reason may be that the current generation of young adults about to set out into the big wide world are apparently facing:

“perhaps the most daunting and uncertain adulthood in decades and the effects of this uncertainty are clear to see. A recent study claimed that over 80% of surveyed twenty-something’s reported suffering from severe stress or anxiety, and doctors surgeries up and down the country are treating young people in crisis before their journey through adulthood has really begun”

This trend is of course affected by the economic situation in many countries around the world where there are fewer job prospects for those in the younger age demographics, which is bringing upon more stress. Furthermore there has also been a sociological change occurring since the 90’s, where people are taking longer to settle down, begin a career, buy a house, and have a family, and this could be the result of individuals falling short in the tough job market, or simply delaying adulthood with an extended adolescence to avoid responsibility. This particular path is what Jay touches on and tries to deter in her presentation.

She tells experiences of herself and her twenty-something patients truly believing that they “had all the time in the world”, and were using this decade of their lives to play around, sleep around and job hop. What Jay now tries to teach others is on the other end of the spectrum, leaning towards the caring too much and getting stuck under too more pressure path. She believes people need to think more strategically and start planting the seeds of their future now, as your 20’s are one of the most defining decades and this time should matter. On the flip side though, while “it is important to live intentionally [and plant these seeds], more then anything else, being in your 20’s should be about expansive sense of possibilities.” It should not be about following a rulebook or living by another’s words, no matter how qualified they are, but trusting the path you are on and trusting it will take you where you need to go.

Upon reflection, Jay’s talk does allow some enlightenment and guidance, and in spite of the discomfort and uncertainty that the TED talk raised for some viewers, it seems to be truly forcing self-examination — an important step towards living with intent. It also seems that despite the quarter-age crises epidemic that seems to be occurring and the avalanche of pressure and expectations, there are a few things we know for sure: life goes on and a crisis will always end. So follow the timelines and follow the help, or forge your own path, but whatever you choose make sure it’s what you want.