Call It Pride

June 14, 2016 — In Memory of the Victims of Pulse

If you haven’t been chased down the street after a date, you don’t know.

If you haven’t had to break clasped hands with your significant other, you don’t know.

If you haven’t had to lie about the gender of your partner to a stranger, relative, store clerk or friend;

If you haven’t been uncomfortable in a public bathroom;

If you haven’t worried people would object to or even cause violence at your wedding;

If you haven’t had to refer to your places of gathering as “safe spaces”;

If you haven’t had people give you the questioning eye when checking in at a hotel, hospital or TSA line;

If you haven’t had to second guess your job security, respect and upward mobility in the workplace;

If you haven’t known a friend who felt hopeless because of how she or he was born;

If you haven’t been that friend;

If you haven’t had the feeling that traveling in pairs is not enough security;

If you haven’t had to make light of a black eye as drag queen makeup or a good excuse for a pirate patch;

If you haven’t had to come out once and every day;

If you haven’t had to explain your identity, your gender, your sexual role, your “lifestyle choices,” your masculinity or femininity, and the private affairs of your bedroom;

If you haven’t worried about the right or the means to have children;

If you haven’t been told someone is uncomfortable having you around their children;

If you haven’t been denied the ability to give blood;

If you haven’t had someone fear your blood;

If you haven’t woken up on a day where people applaud the killing of others like you;

If you haven’t had to hold a parade to celebrate your community’s survival and call it “pride”;

If you haven’t felt invisible in a country where political candidates can’t acknowledge your community as either a one syllable word or a four letter acronym;

If you’ve haven’t thought of showing affection as an act of defiance, well then you don’t know.

But believe it or not, you know someone who does. And you should talk to them about it. Understand that this is a constant, lifelong rehearsal of looking over one’s shoulder, over-explaining, questioning motivations, making timely decisions, and trying to stay safe while wondering if it’s your turn. Ask someone what that feels like, and then do whatever you can to support them. Be thankful that your visibility never cost you so much.