Truth is Louder than Words

Here we go…….

If you have ever been emotionally, psychologically, sexually abused; if you were ever the victim of bullying, demeaning words; if you were ever stunned into that vortex of abject disbelief/horror/silence when someone berated or belittled you to such an extent that you were sick to your stomach and quivered or trembled at the thought of seeing, dealing with, walking into the same room with or working for that person even for one more minute because he/she did/said/acted in one of the above ways, you might be able to grasp what I am feeling and about to say.

I can assure you that I have been the victim of some of those acts or behaviors during my lifetime and they often came at the least expected times or places in my life — from people I was supposed to love, trust or respect. The most horrifying thing about the perpetrators is the power they often wield over you, in the shape of threats to shame you into silence because you depend on them for a paycheck or a roof over your head or something else that keeps you alive or going forward. Or maybe they were once a friend or your parent or relative or employer who took advantage of you for financial gain, hurled insults or a chair at you because they had anger management issues or lacked impulse control. Or maybe they became part of the national landscape and opened a national food chain, played America’s dad on TV, helped coach a college football team or grabbed women’s pussies and ran for president. Maybe they were something in between.

You battle internally with the truth of the injustice of what has been done/said to you and weigh the risk of publicly announcing/denouncing this person and more often than not, you shut up and scream internally in deafening silence. You cry a lot. You try to move on. But you know that if it could happen to you, it could (and probably did or does) happen DAILY to so many others who are perhaps less strong or adept at handling these situations. You feel at once powerless and defiant. Because you recognize the pattern of behavior and the warning signs, you become more vigilant for yourself and look out for others This should not be confused with vigilantism. Abusers use shock as a weapon to silence you. The tools of the trade for survival is to speak the truth. LOUDLY.

For every woman who has been the victim of an abusive relationship or sexual predator; for each and every person who has been bullied by a boss, their neighbor or a lover or schoolmate over the color of their skin, religion, sexuality, opinion; for each and every individual who carried that secret or shame of being made to feel “less than” or “inferior to” in some twisted way on some grossly miscalculated scale that was created by a cloister of fear mongering, power hungry, misogynistic, racist, bigoted, homophobic ignorant people who make it their daily purpose to have their victims haul fear and shame around like a backpack to be worn inside the soul, THIS past week has brought back a flood of those memories and feelings.

I am tired of crying in silence as I did for many years for my ancestors who perished in the holocaust and for the one living relative of that horror who was/is scarred and damaged beyond words and has dumped that painful lesson upon me and my family. I am weary and worried that time will never heal this infected wound on our national psyche and our collective souls.

I am also reminded yet again that people will ask (yet again) when the next person comes out of the woodwork claiming that (insert a name of your choosing here) assaulted them and waits 20 years to out them for emotional /sexual/psychological/physical abuse that the one burning question from the accused’s side (or their lawyers or the police officers) will alwcontinue to be, “Why didn’t you speak up sooner?”

I am speaking now and hope you will, too.

Because the system of powerful people is built on a foundation of fearful hangers-on who feed, support and play along with them. It is a bigger problem in our culture than we want to believe. And what many of us are feeling was until recently attributed only to isolated incidents in our families or places of employment or on a dodgy street where you made a wrong turn. We aren’t paying attention to the bigger, pervasive picture. What has for decades or centuries been a quiet game of connect the dots, has suddenly become an explosive volcano that has pushed us over the edge into a national crisis. We are seeing firsthand the devolving world in which we actually live. Lava is spewing everywhere. From all sides.

Nobody wants to admit that this (or any other emperor or significant other or boss) has no clothes for fear of being shunned, abused further, unemployed or isolated even more. And until we stand up and DEMAND that the system is changed, that people who promote this way of thinking/acting/being are held accountable for their words and actions (and this includes the media for tip-toeing around those who perpetrate this behavior and way of thinking by not holding them responsible with public outcry) nothing will change and we will continue to cry tears in silence and feel a collective repression. For the first time in our nation’s history, this kind of insanity isn’t randomly targeting one person, group or belief — it is targeting ALL of us in some way, shape or form. Right before our very eyes, this is rapidly becoming the norm of what we accept and how it is handled. Be very aware. And don’t tell me to “get over it”. You could be next.

With that in mind, I implore you to think before you speak, act with kindness and compassion and stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. Start by creating the world you want for yourself and future generations. Speak out FOR what you want, NOT AGAINST. Read. Know your rights. Learn (and learn from) your history so it doesn’t become your future. Become active. Participate. Demand justice, demand respect. Do not be silenced. Volunteer. Report. Get involved. Don’t feed the monster. Stop it in its tracks.

On a personal note, on the very odd chance that someone reading this was ever one of those people that did anything to me like what I described above, you know exactly who you are. And so do I. Shame on you.