I grew up poor, oblivious and… happy. What I’ve learned along the way.
I grew up poor and I didn’t even realize it. Oh, sure, I knew what it meant not to be able to buy stuff. I just didn’t know what it meant to need stuff because I never really needed much. I was never the kid that was tugging at his moms shirt-sleeve demanding that she buy me some new toy. I was always the kid that invented a new game with whatever he had laying around. It wasn’t until I grew up more and moved away that I realized just how poor we were when I was growing up.
I grew up in a small rural town in The North Eastern United States. The winters were cold, snowy and perfect for snowboarding. The summers were great, not too hot and not too cold . Hiking, biking, boarding and basketball. Those were the only things I knew and I look back on my childhood with fondness and appreciation. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all fairy tales and rainbows but it was safe, calm, a great environment to grow up in. Having said that I do wish sometimes that I had grown up as the quintessential California kid but that’s a story for another time. There is something to be said for small town America, but it sure can be hard to scratch out a living there. My mom started her own business when I was around 10. I’m not sure if any of you have started your own business while juggling an energetic 10 year old but it’s hard to do. Starting your own business is hard, starting it with a kid is harder, starting your own business in small town USA is the hardest. I know, I’ve tried… and failed. I failed because I couldn’t crack my way into the market of a small town business. It helps if you know people. A LOT of people! Moving to a small town and trying to make friends is hard enough but then less than 5 years later trying to start your own business with limited resources is seemingly impossible. That’s exactly what she did. The end result for my mom and her family was a fulfilling, exhausting, sometimes slim-pickin’s way of life. And as a 10 year old kid, I was just along for the ride.
Looking back there is one memory in particular that sticks out to accentuate just how poor we really were. As I said, I was a rather energetic, up-for-anything-always-outside-kid and I happened to ruin or just plain out-grow ever pair of pants I owned. So much so that when school came around I only had one pair of pants that still fit me and weren’t ruined by holes, rips, grass-stains and such. I remember asking my mom for a new pair of pants and her having that look on her face like “Oh No! How am I gonna do that now?” She is a saint of a woman and she knew just how to talk to me. She said… “Ok honey, but your gonna have to wait. I can’t do that right now but I promise you we will go pick you out some pants very soon.” That was music to my ears. The next day she told me the same thing. The day after that she washed my only pair of pants and told me the same thing again, only this time it wasn’t music to my ears it was more like a pop song that gets too much play on the radio. By the fourth or fifth day it was starting to wear as thin as the knees of my pants and somehow… someway, she made it happen. We went to the store about a week after she had promised and I had new pants. To me it was a miracle. I didn’t get just one pair I got two and I was set. I went to school in my new pants strutting my stuff the next day. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized what had to happen in order to fulfill that need. Her and my Step dad had to work… hard, to get things done and out the door so they could get paid for them. The lesson I learned after looking back was how stressed she was, but how she handled it with such poise, grace and determination. To her getting me pants wasn’t a burden stacked on an over-whelming pile of “I can’t”. It was another challenge she took on and over came. All while putting me at ease and fending off the bill collectors. Thank you Mom, for the pants and for the lessons.
Chances are I have a tendency to look back at on my childhood with rosy colored glasses. I don’t think so though and I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s true, I do like to remember all the good times and not many of the bad. Maybe that’s just the way I am… or maybe that’s just the way it was. Either way, it doesn’t matter. I do remember never needing the next expensive gadget or newest toy. Just as long as I had a basketball and a bike I was doing alright. Growing up not having a lot of expensive things or living in a big fancy house or having really nice cars never really mattered to me. What mattered, is the relationship I had with my mom. I knew, no matter what, she was on my side. At least I thought so till I was about 16–17 and it was time for that boy to start turning into this man. That’s when I got the idea in my head that she had somehow changed and was against me. She changed a little, but it was mostly me that was changing. I must admit, my teenage years weren’t too favorable. I guess most peoples teenage years aren’t very fun. But for me, I went from a decent student and well mannered to flunking and hangin’ with the wrong crowd. It ended up putting me on a plane to go live with my dad. Looking back I can say… rightfully so.
There I was… 17, naive as could be but thinking I knew it all. Just a small town boy escaping to another life. Going from living in the woods to living at the beach. The changes I went through at that age were drastic to say the least. One change that came as a big surprise was money. My dad had a high paying job he had just started, a nice house next to the ocean with a pier and a rich new girlfriend that ended up being my teacher. She literally ended up being my teacher as she enrolled me in the school that she worked at. During the day she was a teacher but at night she was a 5 star chef who owned more than 30 properties and had wealth I had never imagined. I remember one day, going shopping at the grocery store with her for dinner. She walked in like she owned the place and told me to get whatever I wanted. This was quite a new concept for me and I sort-of acted like she was just being nice. At the checkout counter in the store I found out she really meant it when she pulled out hundred dollar bills to pay for groceries and didn’t bat an eye at the total bill. This new life wasn’t to last long, but it lasted long enough to see and feel a different perspective. A perspective that showed me what having money is like. Soon my dad got me a nice car and gave me a bank card with the idea of not spending too much money. I never did make any purchases over 100$. I had never really had money and I didn’t even know what to do with it. Most of the time I just helped out my new friends and that turned out to be a mistake. Again, as a 17 year old kid, I didn’t understand what it took for my dad to be able to provide such an extravagant life style. I knew he worked a lot but after the whole gravy boat finally came back into the dock I realized, he was working over 80 hours a week trying to get the franchise piece he was in charge of up and running. And man did he do that. He won an award that year for breaking 1 million dollars in sales. He didn’t get a million dollars but the company did and even after that they decided to fire him and hire within their own family. A lot of shady things went down for him and for me there and we ended up flat broke and busted. It actually worked out ok because my dad got back to his roots and started doing the work himself instead of hiring others to do it for him. As he gained bigger jobs he needed help and I worked with him when I could. He taught me so much in that short span of time. I actually think we gained more in our relationship because of time, than we lost in material objects from sudden lack of money. I came to know my Dad much better and I’m so grateful for that he turned a bad situation into an opportunity for that. Thank you Dad for your perseverance.
Today, I’m not rich. I don’t live in a big fancy house or drive a nice car. I still live close to the beach though and I’m still close with my parents. I’ve finally figured out that old saying… “money can’t buy you happiness” isn’t just a saying poor people say to themselves to feel better. It’s true to life. I’ve had a lot and I’ve been homeless. The lessons I’ve learned, the things I’ve done, the places I’ve been and all I’ve seen usually had nothing to do with money. Most everything in my life has been forged out of will power and hard work like all of my parents. I find that even though on the outside most may call me broke … on the inside I’m happy. I’ve come a looong way and I’m getting closer to doing what I was born to do.What we were all born to do… Live. Really Live. And hey… if I don’t feel broke… what’s there to fix? I’m not saying I wouldn’t like to have more money. I’m just saying… money isn’t everything. Money helps, but if that’s all your after you’ll just keep chasing it. I know what I’m after. I know what I’m chasing… Life. We were born to live, not just to wait until we die. It’s obvious there’s more to life then money, but some times we need to be reminded of that. We need to pick our nose up from the grind stone and breath in the fresh air around us. There’s actually more to life then just happiness, relationships or even health. Life is an all encompassing word that sums up all of those things and much more. You just have to find out how all those things… money, relationships, happiness, material objects, work, play, … how they all fit together. I’m still chasing the perfect balance, the right fit for each piece. If I ever figure it all out… I’ll let ya know……… Well, that’s it for this one. I hope you’ve enjoyed it. Maybe you’ve learned something or remembered to stop and breath in the fresh air once in a while. I hope so. Till next time. Thanks for reading. May God Bless You ;)
