Local Young Earth Creationist Family Boycotts Night Sky

Williamstown, KY — Local shop owner Dalton Briggs looked up at the night sky for the last time on Tuesday evening. “It’s a matter of conviction,” he said. “We have removed every instance of ‘billions of years’ from our home, and unfortunately now that has to include the Woke sky.”

The decision comes after the dramatic images from the James Webb Space Telescope were first broadcast on July 12. “We spent a few weeks praying about which parts of God’s Creation we needed to ignore in order to keep believing what we have been told the Bible says. As a family, we’ve come to this conclusion and will remain strong in our convictions, no matter what the liberals say.”

As optical technology has progressed, astronomers have peered deeper into our Universe’s past, unveiling images of galaxies as near to the Big Bang as 329.8 million years. “This is ridiculous, of course,” Briggs says. “If God wanted us to see into the past, He would have given us time telescopes. Not so-called space telescopes.”

Briggs, who has been wearing the same T-Shirt from Williamstown’s Creation Museum that reads “I believe in the Big Bang. God said it, and bang it happened” for the last fortnight, sees the recent images released from NASA’s James Webb Space Telescope as an ongoing effort to discredit, demonize, and discriminate against…