Living with an Invisible Disease
I am the person who sits next to you at Church. I work with you, go to school with you, lime with you, play with you. I am your friend, your neighbour, your relative, your classmate. I have an invisible disease.
I know that you think I’m lazy when I don’t volunteer to help move that box. I know you’re probably tired of hearing me say that I’m tired. I know you think I’m a bad mother because my daughter’s hair looks uncombed; I know…
I suffer. I am in constant pain. I don’t sleep enough; my medication makes me feel sick and tired. I have trouble focusing. I spend money I don’t have on medication and medical tests and ‘helpful gadgets’ that don’t always help. I live with an invisible disease.
Every morning my alarm goes off and I have to wait a bit until I can move. I wish I didn’t have to get up, but I’m glad that I can. Simple, everyday tasks are a challenge for me; like opening a bottle, stirring a pot, opening a door or gate, flushing the toilet, using the phone. Sometimes I need help getting dressed. I live with an invisible disease.
At Church I dread the ‘sign of peace’, never knowing how hard someone is going to squeeze or shake my hand. I’ve started offering my left hand to shake, and I avoid hugging altogether. I know you think that I’m ‘standoffish’. I live with an invisible disease.
I prefer not to eat in public so I make excuses when invited out to eat. I know that you think I’m anti-social. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I wonder ‘what’s the use’. I know that you think I’m lazy. I live with an invisible disease.
Perhaps you will now think twice about judging me and finding me wanting. I struggle. I want to do better, but I’m doing the best that I can. Everyday I surmount odds that another person might say are impossible. I do get up. I go to work, to school, to Mass, to family gatherings… I LIVE with an invisible disease.
Nicole Poyer, 2013
About the Author
Nicole lectures the Diploma in Theology Programme and serves on the board of directors at the Sehon Goodridge Theological Society. She also works full time as and Administrator at one of the leading Financial Advisors in Trinidad and Tobago. Nicole is a trained Youth Minister and Catechist, who currently serves her parish church as a Lay Minister and Lector. She is also cofounder of the Sychar House of Prayer.
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