CDC Using Reverse Psychology to Get People to Want the Vaccine

“NIAID Vaccine Research Center Lab” by NIAID is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Atlanta, GA — With the rate of vaccinations declining, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a series of public service announcements in which they use reverse psychology on those who are skeptical about the vaccines.

“We’re really at the end of our rope here. The fact that it could literally save your life isn’t enough of a motivating factor, so we’re trying to tap into the most powerful human emotion: sticking it to authority figures,” said Rochelle Walensky, CDC Director. “They always do the opposite of what we tell them anyway.”

The PSA’s are mainly targeted at white evangelical Christians because they are the most skeptical of the vaccines.

“Attention white evangelicals! Do not get vaccinated! These vaccines are only for liberals who live near the coasts. If you try to get one, you will be turned away,” said the PSA.

“Like hell we will!” said white evangelicals before tearing off their sleeves and marching to the nearest Walgreens.

“These vaccines come with some powerful side effects. You probably couldn’t handle them,” said the PSA.

“We’ll see about that! I broke my collarbone during a high school football game and barely felt it” said men ages 18–40.

The CDC has since reported that the nation’s entire vaccine reserve has been used up.

--

--

The standard in satirical news. Satirical is how pretentious people say ‘funny.’

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Kyle Qualls

Aspiring comedy writer featured on Points In Case and Funny-ish. He bets you’re not man enough to contact him at kyleaqualls@gmail.com with a job offer.