Mar 6, 2021
Change of Pace: Congress Passes Legislation That Is Literally Watered Down
Washington DC — In a stunning move against convention, Congress passed legislation that was literally watered down rather than lacking in sufficient policy.
The over 600 page COVID relief bill was sprayed with water guns by republicans and moderate democrats until soaked.
“I wanted to do right by the American people with this stimulus bill, but still uphold tradition as a conservative democrat,” said a giddy Joe Manchin, holding a Nerf Super Soaker XP50-AP Water Blaster and wearing pool goggles.
Ron Johnson, a Republican Congressman from Wisconsin, was able to delay the passing of the bill by making a staffer read the entire bill in the House Chamber. This exercise normally would’ve taken 10 hours, but the time was doubled due to ink running and pages being stuck together.
If ever during the reading it seemed like the pages were starting to dry off, it would be remedied with either a garden hose or the fire alarm sprinklers being set off.
The nearly illegible pile of sopping wet paper is expected to arrive on President Biden’s desk as soon as possible where he will sign it into law very gingerly so as to not tear the entire thing in half with the tip of his pen.
