Herschel Walker Asks Mitch McConnell to Tell Him About the Rabbits

Dallas, TX — Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell met Herschel Walker at his Texas residence where Walker asked McConnell to tell him about the rabbits one more time now that his Senate campaign is over.

“Okay. I’ll tell you about the rabbits,” said McConnell. “Why don’t you turn around and look out over the lake and I’ll tell you so you can almost see them.”

Walker had a huge grin and a vacant stare on his face as McConnell told him about how many rabbits they were going to own and how fluffy they were going to be.

“Are we going to have alfalfa fields when I get to the Senate?” asked Walker.

“Yeah. When you get to the Senate,” said McConnell as he pulled back the hammer on his revolver. His eyes welled up with tears, already mourning the loss of what he had created.

“And I get to tend the rabbits-,” yelled Walker excitedly as McConnell pulled the trigger.

Onlookers reported seeing the silhouette of Walker collapsing as the sun set over the lake. McConnell paced back and forth before kneeling down next to Walker’s lifeless body. It was over. It was finally over.



The standard in satirical news. Satirical is how pretentious people say ‘funny.’

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Kyle Qualls

Aspiring comedy writer featured on Points In Case and Funny-ish. He bets you’re not man enough to contact him at kyleaqualls@gmail.com with a job offer.