Nov 7, 2022
Herschel Walker Unable to Spell ‘CTE’
Dallas, TX — On the eve of the midterm elections, it has come to light that candidate for a Georgia Senate seat, Herschel Walker, doesn’t know to spell ‘CTE,’ the degenerative brain disorder common among former football players.
“CTE isn’t diagnosable until death but we made an exception,” said Dr. Madeleine Burnett, Walker’s primary care physician.
At his recent annual physical, Walker was asked to fill out a form of personal information including any pre-existing conditions he has. The nurses working the front desk noticed something was wrong when he suddenly stopped writing, stared at the paper for several minutes, and began rubbing his temples in concentration.
He then approached the front desk for help completing the form. To his credit, Walker was able to get as far as ‘C,’ but needed help writing the other two letters.
“Hold on, don’t tell me yet. I’m pretty sure it’s that one what looks like a little man holding his arms out,” said Walker.
Recent polling shows that Walker’s base is largely undeterred by the latest of many scandals in his campaign. His supporters are seemingly even more enthused to have a man whose brain is rotting set the price of insulin.
“If anything I’m thrilled he doesn’t remember too much from his years liberal-indoctrinating school,” said Patrick Hodge, a diabetic Republican voter.
