Jennifer Lopez Breaks Up with Well-Documented Pathological Liar Because She Can’t Trust Him

“GLAAD 2014 — Jennifer Lopez — Casper-67” by DVSROSS is licensed under CC BY 2.0, “All star baseball player Alex Rodriguez” by Rafael Amado Deras is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Los Angeles, CA — Jennifer Lopez has ended her engagement to Alex Rodriguez, a man known mostly for lying to the public for years about his steroid use, because she can’t trust him.

“After four years I realized he wasn’t the man I thought he was. I thought he had outgrown his sociopathic behavior to become just a typical cringey, insecure idiot, but I guess I was wrong,” said Lopez.

The pop star was able to stay blissfully unaware of the person her partner was for four years before remembering that he cheated at baseball so much that he wasn’t allowed to play for a year.

The sudden nature of the breakup has led many to suspect that there was another woman, but Lopez denies the claims.

“I still don’t think he’s the cheating type, although now that I say it out loud, he was photographed bringing a stripper to his hotel room while in a previous marriage,” said Lopez.

According to Lopez, the split has been especially hard on her kids who grew to love Rodruiguez, someone who allegedly threatened to kill people to keep his steroid use a secret.

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Kyle Qualls

Kyle Qualls

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Aspiring comedy writer featured on Points In Case and Funny-ish. He bets you’re not man enough to contact him at kyleaqualls@gmail.com with a job offer.