Man Wearing Camouflage to Movie Theater Not There to Shoot Up the Place

“Black Century wellies and camo pants” by zeesenboot is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

Providence, RI — A local man wearing camouflage to the movie theater has no intention of committing a mass shooting, authorities confirmed.

Patrons standing in the lobby of the local Regal were off-put when a man entered wearing camo pants, black combat boots, and sunglasses even though it was nighttime.

“I knew he wasn’t a veteran because of how out of shape he is. The second I saw him I thought ‘now here’s a guy who was bullied in high school and wants some revenge on society,’” said moviegoer, Eva Matthews.

Pedestrians quickly made note of where the exits were in case he wasn’t just there to enjoy Puss in Boots: The Last Wish. They discreetly contacted the authorities and sent goodbye messages to their loved ones just in case.

Police apprehended the man they identified as Joshua Brown on suspicion of conspiracy to commit murder. They discovered he wasn’t sneaking an AR-15 into the theater, but rather a packet of twizzlers that he was able to purchase for three dollars cheaper at a nearby gas station than he would’ve been able to at the theater concessions stand.

“We did a background check on him. He has no criminal history, he’s not in a militia, and he’s not even one of those guys who ‘almost joined the military.’ He just made a weird fashion choice,” said Officer Aaron Coffey of the Providence Police Department.



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Kyle Qualls

Aspiring comedy writer featured on Points In Case and Funny-ish. He bets you’re not man enough to contact him at with a job offer.