Meghan Markle Reveals Damning, Unimportant Details About Royal Family

“File:Prince Harry and Meghan Markle visit District Six Museum 02.jpg” by eNCA on YouTube is licensed under CC BY 3.0

Montecito CA — In a nationally televised interview with Oprah Winfrey, the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, shared new damning and completely unimportant details about her relationship with the royal family.

“Thank you for joining us for a distraction from current events that passes for hard hitting journalism,” said Oprah to the camera before beginning to sift through the bullshit.

Markle didn’t hold back, exposing every bit of manipulating behavior used by the King and Queen of England that no one is better off for knowing.

She even exposed some of the family’s more racist tendencies. “The Queen didn’t want me in the royal family to begin with. And there was concern in the family about how dark our baby’s skin would be,” said Markle to a country that isn’t even the one with royalty.

Oprah and the TV audience were shocked to learn that a rich, white, 90-something with a family history of colonizing Africa would be so unaccepting of a black person marrying into the family.

Early reports indicate that the petty squabbles of someone else’s family, the details of which have no bearing on anyone’s life, have done little to solve any of the pressing problems of our time.

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Kyle Qualls

Aspiring comedy writer featured on Points In Case and Funny-ish. He bets you’re not man enough to contact him at kyleaqualls@gmail.com with a job offer.