Suez Canal Takes Laxative to Clear Blockage

“Cargo Ship Going Under the Bridge of the Americas” by chumlee10 is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

Cairo, EG — The Suez Canal took a laxative to help remove a blockage caused by a cargo ship that had run aground.

The massive ship has since refloated after being stuck for nearly a week, stopping all passage through the canal during that time and crippling global trade.

Egyptian government officials say that they noticed passage through the canal becoming irregular and knew they had to act.

“At first we tried waiting it out. Usually when the canal gets blocked it’ll just kind of resolve itself the next day. After six days of not being able to expel products to their required markets, it got so unbearable that we had to resort to laxatives,” said Kamel el-Wazir, the Minister of Transport.

Business leaders who ship their products through the Suez Canal said that the blockage caused them an incredible amount of discomfort.

“The canal clogging like that made me sick to my stomach,” said Song Ho-Sung, the CEO of Kia. “I’ve been straining myself so hard trying to remove the blockage that I almost ruptured a vein. Our bottom line felt an almost instant relief once it was removed.”