Trump Claims Virus Will Be Gone by April for Second Year In A Row

“Donald Trump Sr. at #FITN in Nashua, NH” by Michael Vadon is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

West Palm Beach, FL — One year after the country shut down due to the coronavirus pandemic, Donald Trump held a press conference at his private Mar A Lago residence to prematurely claim victory over the coronavirus for the second straight year.

“They say it goes away in April with the warmer weather. But not last April. That April was too cold, and so was all of last summer, but it will disappear like a miracle this April. This April is going to be one of the best we’ve ever seen in terms of hotness,” said Trump.

Trump cited his administration’s response to the virus as the reason for the declining cases and deaths.

“I developed the vaccine in less than a year. If anyone else was President, it would’ve taken 10 years at least. No scientists. No doctors. Just me. I locked myself in my bedroom with some beakers, dry ice, and a pack of Tylenol, and now we have the vaccine,” said Trump to a press room packed with maskless, elderly supporters.

Fox News covered the press conference on their family of networks while hosts lauded Trump for improving to 2–0 against the coronavirus.

“Simply incredible. He completely eradicated COVID last year and it never came back, and now he’s doing it again,” said Fox and Friends’ Brian Kilmeade.

So far there have been 46 confirmed coronavirus cases and 2 coronavirus deaths linked to Trump’s press conference.

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Kyle Qualls

Kyle Qualls

Aspiring comedy writer featured on Points In Case and Funny-ish. He bets you’re not man enough to contact him at kyleaqualls@gmail.com with a job offer.

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