JO versus Joshua Onakomaiya
In the past, I got a lot of people say this to me “Joshua, I know you… but I don’t really know you”. Most times, this wasn’t spoken out loud, but I could somewhat hear people thinking it because I was saying the exact same thing to myself.
I was very much in touch with who I was musically and ministerially, however, personally… I couldn’t really find myself.
Rewind a bit <<<
I was brought up to be careful with the amount and depth of information shared with the outside world (including friends). I wasn’t however brought up to be overly opaque, but transparent enough to not be asked any questions about my feelings, my walk, everything… Literally.
With the various talents I was blessed with, my identity soon became about what I was blessed with, rather than who I was. This quickly became more of a facade as I started getting recognition for taking that extra step to becoming ‘JO’.
So here comes the problem…
When your identity is based around your gift rather than who you are as a person, your closeness in relationship with people generally lacks; couple this together with the fact I’m an innate introvert, well… I think you guessed it already and if you haven’t… Yup, I was pretty lonely for a long time!
When I realised I only really had 2 or 3 people I could call on if I needed help or just needed to talk, I knew there was something wrong. This drove me to want to build relationships, not from the foundation of me being ‘JO’, but being Joshua Onakomaiya.
Over time, I learnt that trying to separate the two identities was extremely difficult because on one front you try and pretend for face value that everything is honky dory as a minister ,whilst in fact everything is falling apart on the Joshua Onakomaiya side. The term being “burnt out” became my best friend, again.. literally!
Everything changed when I listened to Kristen DiMarco (Worship Pastor at Bethel) — that’s another thing about me, I love that church! …. Moving on ☺
She said that “As worshipers and people who are creative and passionate, its so easy to hide behind what we’re good at and settle for people knowing us for what we can do. From experience is so unsatisfying and over time it is easy to forget the amazing privilege it is to be transparent and we settle for being honest”.
This is exactly where I was at. I would only tell so much about myself because I was afraid I wouldn’t be perceived the same again on the ‘JO’ front. So then I thought… me transparent, people knowing me! I’ll give it a try :/
Fast forward >>>
I have had many opportunities to meet people through ministry and I have made friends as a result of it.
But I had to learn the importance of being real with my God first and then my close friends. Sometimes we put ourselves on such high pedestals, that yes people respect us, however, it’s difficult for people to relate to us - even those we regard to be our closest friends.
I started opening up a bit more to my friends and I found that as I opened up the more, they began opening up to me more. I was so happy because I had never felt so close to them and I also didn’t feel like I was left on an island on my own being transparent and them not doing the same.
I realised that relationships are on a ‘give and take’ basis in relation to what you know about your friends.
Here comes the challenge…
How then was I meant to transfer this onto the ‘JO’ front? — meaning how do I show that I’m all for transparency to people I only have 10 mins to minister to, 10 mins to gain their trust, 10 mins to show that I’m not afraid to talk about my life whilst glorifying God at the same time :/
Was I ready to lose religious followers? Was I ready to be transparent, not half way, but fully with wisdom, i.e. through my music, actions and in conversation?
YES!!!
I was so tired of trying to pretend everything was okay and I wanted people to know the real me, not the musician me or the minister me or the singer me or the guitar me — the real me!
As a result, I went on a hunt to find out how to be transparent as a Christian and it took me realising that I had to learn how to talk about the things that certain people aren’t comfortable talking about — what was really happening, not biblically happening yet. Tell the story of the process and conclude with how God turned it around for my good!
Apostle Paul modelled this perfectly in 2 Corinthians 1:8–11.
Some may disagree, but how annoying is it when people over-do or under-do their testimonies… just say it how it was, but with wisdom.. don’t add any maggi or hot sauce. I want to know how you doubted God, how you didn’t read your word for weeks on end, how you rebelled… all that beautiful stuff. Basically, half-story testimonies do my head in! (Ephesians 4:25).
I understood that some people in this world are not Christians. They don’t think like us and they need to relate with you as a person and as an artist before you can begin talking to them about a seemingly imaginary person to them. Being transparent is about saying things as they are, not with your head up in the clouds of God knows where. Transparency builds relationships; holding things back, however… doesn’t.
It was from this place, I got comfortable enough to write ‘I Need You Now’. One of the songs that I sing live exclusively just because it combats against the notion that JO is always fine and always will be fine.
I asked a friend of mine who is not a Christian. He said “the problem with gospel music isn’t the reference to God, it’s that the singers/writers/artists make it seem like everything is okay all the time which is simply — NOT TRUE!”.
This made me reevaluate myself, I would never take God out of the equation. I just write more realistically, more personally, more about how things really are and conclude with the biblical way of how I believe the story should end. Tell a story, take people on a journey…
Yes, it is true that everything starts and ends with God, but there’s a whole load of process in between when we’re concerned!
I learnt the importance of being especially transparent about the process! The problem isn’t that we face issues, it’s that we often face them alone because of this very same issue.
Choose to celebrate your process — victories and setbacks!
☺
www.iamjo.co.uk
