The Socrates “Dunk” Method for Finding Your True Dreams
I was waiting for my daughter to finish with high school softball practice a few days ago. Next to me was another dad, waiting in his work van. On the side of the van it read…
Disaster Relief Service — No Job TOO DIRTY FOR US!
I thought to myself… was that his dream job when he was young? Or was he like me, did he want to be a pilot, fireman and race car driver?
Think about why you are in your current job. Take a mental moment and list the reasons you are in your current job. On paper would be awesome, but if you aren’t into it, think about a few in your mind. 34 seconds…Go.
Now I have one question…
DID… “It’s what I’ve always dreamed of doing” make the list?
Is this what you dreamed of as a little girl or boy? Is this where you wanted to be at your age? Do you find yourself, in your quiet moments alone, longing for something better, more, something that you can put your whole soul into and enjoy fully, something with more meaning, more adventure, less monotony, less office politics, a better schedule?
Has life beat you up so hard that you have just given in and decided that dream lives don’t really happen, and this is the best it will ever be for you? Have you succumbed to the lie that there is no such thing as a perfect job, marriage, relationship, day, life for anyone, especially for you?
What if I told you… that you are exactly where you want to be and doing exactly what you want to be doing!
And that the reason you are right where you want to be is that you desire safety more than you desire your dreams.
That paycheck keeps you in a house with heat, with a car, your kids in braces, water in the toilet and beer in the fridge.
Take a look around you at work. Your boss, your co-worker, that manager, the maintenance guy, you wouldn’t know it to look at them, but chances are that they are all clinging to a safe harbor in their lives.
It’s hard to deal with this truth, but you are overweight or in great shape because you want to be. You are in a great relationship or an abusive one because you want to be. You are in a great job or a horrible job because you want to be. You have great connection with the creator of the universe or you have no spirituality because you want it that way.
WHY?
Because that is where you are most comfortable and with the lowest risk!
You might say, bullshit, I want rock hard abs, I want to play the guitar, I want to be retired and enjoy life more, I certainly don’t want to be in this abusive relationship! My answer back is, Socrates answer to Plato as they were walking along the beach in a deep conversation. Socrates was Plato’s mentor and wanted to teach him a very valuable lesson.
Socrates walked him into the ocean. When they were deep enough, he dunked Plato’s head and held it under water until he struggled with severe want for air, seconds from drowning. He then pulled him up and said…
“When you desire my knowledge like you desired that breath of air, then you shall have it.”
That is true Desire. Now ask yourself, do you want those rock hard abs that much?
So I have lots of dreams. I’m 48 years old and still have dreams of playing major league baseball. The thought of being an astronaut is really exciting. Probably more than anything I’d like to be a Naval Aviator, F-18 Hornet pilot landing on aircraft carriers. I’d love to live in the caribbean and own a beach restaurant bar.
But are these what I really want? Is there a way to focus my energies toward a real goal instead of wasting my brain capacity and time on dreams that are not my true purpose in life? Could there be a method to truly focus my life on what I really truly want?
I’m sure there are many ways to eliminate the “bogus” dreams and focus on what I really want, but I haven’t found one yet that focuses my mind quite like the one that I use. It’s strange perhaps, but it works.
I use the Socrates Dunk Method as my dream tester. Although it isn't quite like someone holding my head under, I do my best to get close.
I will try to swim 2 lengths of our pool underwater. It is about a 45 second breath hold under exertion. I get to the point where my lungs suck in needing air, but I prevent it with my lips. After about 5 contractions by my lungs, I know the next one better be air or I may pass out…surface time.
When I come up, I ask myself, do I really want to own a little beach bar restaurant in the islands as much as I just wanted air? Do I really want the best marriage on earth? Do I really want to be in this job? Do I really want 6 pack abs? If the answer is, “no”. That is not one of my true deep desires, its scratched from the field. In this way I have slowly eliminated many of what turned out to be wishes, and only true desires have survived the test to become my true life targets.
TRUE DESIRE — Element 1
For most of us, if we go deep enough inside, we are insecure beings, lacking confidence in who we are and what we can achieve.
We find comfort zones, those jobs, those places, those friends, those projects, those relationships that don’t make us stretch, where the possibility of failure or looking bad is low and we anchor our lives there.
When you are Striving for SAFETY, because of lack of confidence, it is a life destroyer.
I remember when I met one of my childhood heros, Roger Staubach. I walked away so disappointed after our brief encounter. He was arrogant and cocky and, in short…a dick. Later on that night, as I was thinking about the experience, it kind of hit me that… you can’t think you suck and perform at the highest level in the world at your tasks.
I’m not saying you can’t be humble and powerful, but you have to believe and have a very high opinion of yourself and your abilities to excel. You need that kind of confidence.
I had the same experience when I met Bryce Harper. I came to learn that this bravado, cockiness, and arrogance was something I actually longed for…to have confidence in myself in any situation.
I have enjoyed moments, even days and weeks of confidence here and there, but true confidence in all situations seemed impossible to achieve.
There were a few concepts along the way that made sense…for a while.
1. “Fake it until you make it” or the “act as if” phrase has been touted as a way to develop confidence.
2. Confidence comes from knowledge.
3. Confidence is gained through experience.
But they all fell short of true confidence for a reason I couldn’t put my finger on.
Then one day, not long ago, I found the true source of Confidence. It was a life hack, a true secret of the universe…
The key to great confidence is NOT giving a rat’s ass about what anyone on this rock spinning around the sun thinks of you!”
If you can get to that point, your life will change forever. And your dreams will become reachable.
This is an easy concept to talk about, but I promise you, not caring what people think of you is a difficult mountain to summit. You can try in vain for the next 5 years to get there and it could elude you.
Additionally, this epiphany created a new issue in my heart. It seemed to smack against Love… and deep down I knew anything against love can’t be truth. How could I love you and not give a damn what you think about me?
As I continued to seek answers internally I was reading and I saw a cliché quote I’d read a bunch of times, “if you love someone, let them go”. Another message that had eluded me, but this time, it became a piece of the puzzle in understanding the source of confidence.
Truly not caring is a deep form of love.
Weeks later, still chewing on this subject of confidence, I listened to a sales presentation. The presenter said something that ended up being the last piece of my confidence enigma. He said, when you walk into the board room the power resides in the people already sitting in the room, because they have the money and you want what they have. But one of the best ways to move the power from them to you is to not care at all about making the sale. He explained it with a quick metaphor in the form of a question, “when in a relationship, who has the other one wrapped around their finger, the one who cares the most…OR, the one who cares the least, who has the least to lose?”
The one who cares the least has ALL the power.
Here are 4 keys MINDSET’s in order to have confidence in any situation with any crowd and with anybody.
- Don’t give a rat’s ass what the people think of you.
- Truly love them enough to let them think whatever they want about you, even walk out of your life.
- Don’t expect the outcome you want, be completely ok with the outcome that happens.
- Be your true authentic self. (the opposite of fake it until you know it)
Confidence — Element 2
Now go for it…
Find your true dreams (I use the Socrates Dunk method)
Grow your confidence (this takes practice and courage to develop these 4 mindsets)
Take your confidence and aim directly at your true dreams.
The world is yours.
True Desire + Confidence = Ability to Reach your Dreams
