End of Year Round Up — The Best of Salsa
Indulge me one last listicle. My best of 2022. Here are my personal favorites from each month. Click on the links for those undiscovered gems.
A year that began with a certain influencer crying about abusive comments and comparing that to the holocaust, you knew the shark had firmly jumped. He wasn’t alone. Antisemites were crawling out of the gutters and repopulating the world. Some even chose to reenact the Holocaust by dressing children as Hitler. Great fun said no one.
Stop Stupid Now was to be my New Year’s Resolution but the next 365 days dumbed down further than a Trump conspiracy. My top choice was a story I wanted to write for a very long time. It kickstarted my love affair with Fanfare Publication (big thanks to Eric Pierce) and like so many stories this year, it failed to make any dent in my wallet.
I took a month off from my real-world job and did nothing but write. One classic after another. This was my nadir. February was spectacular and boosted my ego into believing I was a real writer. “Imagine,” I said to myself, “if all I did was write and gave up my career to chase my dream.” It was all an illusion. A month that saw me blocked from several creators led to this beautiful and brilliant satire.
History was big. Weird was explored…and it didn’t get weirder than Morris the Cat but everyone agreed that this was my best.
What a Granny in a Checkout Line Taught Me That Buddha Couldn’t
All of humanity can be viewed in a checkout on a busy midweek lunchtime. Where Buddha taught patience dealing with the…
Personally…waking up white or defending Jimmy Carr brought me more joy
I took a deep dive into the world of My Little Pony and was surprised to see an episode celebrating the communist manifesto. Free will eventually wins the day but it was a shock to see a village full of ponies stripped of their individuality.
For some reason unknown to all of mankind, I got angry in March (My Little Ponies tipped me over the edge) and lapsed into a spiral of nihilistic despair. The war in Russia made me nervous and everyone agreed as ‘I Got Fucked by a Ukrainian for Breakfast’ drew the eyeballs.
You May As Well Write Any Shit was my conclusion to the month.
My favorite was this classic satirical piece
I Am The Master of Adulting
There’s no situation too small that I can’t cope with. I’m in control of everything. No bed that can’t be made. No rent…
Disillusioned with almost everything on social media, I quit Facebook for good. I don’t miss it, especially after one ego-driven writer took my post personally and blocked me on all channels. I don’t miss Logan either.
I managed to get banned from Linkedin (one of many this year) for posting God’s job advert for a CEO. And Chile’s drought was top of my mind as the world continued to nosedive.
My most personal piece was a story about watching the Karate Kid for the very first time. Despite plugging this one to death, it failed to light anyone’s fire. Instead, Head by the Monkees took all the praise.
My best? This scathing rant on the state of the world. Not satire.
Terrible month. Crap writing. There is the odd gem but this referral link at the end of one story summed up my mood.
If I had to recommend one story…it would be this beautifully ignored piece of fiction.
The Odd Stigma of Dining Alone
He sat staring at the watch. Gold plated with a dozen faux diamonds encrusted around the dial. They twinkled in the…
Listicle month. Ho hum. Short stories were where I was at. Wonderfully crafted and surreal fiction making me smile and enjoy writing again. It is a love/hate relationship. I truly felt God Save the Queen was the best story I had ever written. A personal journey told after the death of the beloved Royal.
God Save Our Queen
“I got a present for you, Luv. It was from your Nan. She meant to give it to you before…you know. She couldn’t wait for…
And while everyone ignored the brilliant ‘We Suffer from a Plague of Donkeys’ or I’m Just A Man With A Motherfucking Falcon on a Plane, EVERYBODY had an opinion on Steve Martin. I’m still not sorry.
Florence Pugh gets Twitter in a state after revealing her nipples. James Caan dies leaving me to reminisce about Rollerball. I declared a love for Will Ferrel and managed to get Adobe to boot out their Nazi imagery. Who said a writer with minimum impact can never make a difference?
Shocking Nazi Imagery Available on Adobe Stock
Do people still fantasize about being a Nazi? Do you have a fetish for black uniforms and torturing Jews? Is it the…
This one was my highlight.
Declaring War on Strangers And Their Pickle Nazi Fetish
Yet another morning. You wonder why the days are in a perpetual cycle of drudgery. You can’t really muster the…
One angry piece against an atheist who wouldn’t listen and then called me a Trump supporter in favor of slavery. That was a fun week! It was the end for me on Twitter. I was getting angry and bored simultaneously! Every other week I ran into a fight. I knew something had to give.
I only slightly miss Twitter.
But this one is my FAVORITE PIECE OF THE YEAR! A listicle where i imagine I was John Cena and I could beat the crap out of anyone. Who would I choose? Being a narcissist, I can’t help but revisit this article every month to remind myself to laugh at how stupid life is.
Actors I Would Beat Up If I Was John Fucking Cena
Being built like John Cena has its advantages. You’d be buff. You’d be hot. You’d be able to throat-punch any fucker…
I finally stepped down from running The Bad Influence. What a ride! Antisemitism was everywhere including Netflix’s biggest movie of the month Do Revenge.
Is ‘Do Revenge’ this Year’s Most Subtle Anti-Semitic Movie?
Do Revenge on Netflix is the latest film release from the streaming giants. It’s a modern take on Heathers, full of…
My throwaway Jennifer Lawrence piece was good fun…100 things you can’t fuck with. But I liked the rollercoaster of a train wreck best.
Traumatic Train Vengence
To recognize a truly despicable character one must first have access to a railway track, rope, or strong guffer tape…
I fell down a right-wing rabbit hole and emerged slating Jacinda Arden. It happens. I apologize. Not sure how I fell into that trap.
I think we can all agree that John Cleese was the best I had to offer that month.
John Cleese is a Dead Parrot Talking
John Cleese, former comedic genius, has been offered a TV show on GB News.
I got caught up in the Christmas adverts snowstorm and managed to shed several subscribers. Apparently, not everyone loves Christmas ads. And, despite the abuse from Smillew Rahcuef, I rate this story
My son’s demand for chocolate cereal had me questioning why I should give him more sugar in the morning. It eventually led to this epic piece:
Tyranny of Breakfast: Five Alternatives from Around the World
“It’s not a breakfast until you stick two eggs on it.”
And here we are, at the end of the year and my output has stopped. I got commissioned to write and didn’t feel the need to chase a small Medium dollar. The stats were bad for this month so why bother? Take a break.
I still managed to knock out these 3 classics in time for Hanukkah.
An Idiot’s Guide to Hanukkah
It’s the season to be giving and jolly…wait…that’s not how Jews roll!
The Ten Most Evil White Kids on Adobe Stock
Nasty little shits wanting to take over the world.
And, banned from Linkedin
Thank you for reading my work. It’s been a rollercoaster.
Now go find my referral link and subscriber page and sign up. It’s another New Years resolution you are sure to regret!