6 Things I Learned From My Burnout
Welcome to the Self-Care Steps! An easy “how-to” series to help you be happier in your day-to-day life and make adulting less stressful. The motto here is simple: small things go a loooong way.
Well hello there ! Long time no see amirite ! I know, I know, updating a blog every 9 months isn’t the best example of being ~productive~ but, I’ll have you know that my “blog articles ideas to write one day” list is being updated weekly. And what’s a better way to come back to writing than a light and cheerful topic: burnout. #woohoo.
Life after a burnout should I say. Because, yep, around that time last year, I was experiencing my first -and hopefully last- burnout. And while at the time I shared a few tips about how to get through difficult times like this one, I realize now that I needed at least a full year to really reflect on this experience.
As much as my previous self-care article helped some of you, I hope these 6 things I learned from my burnout will also be helpful.
1. Learn to recognize red flags behaviors
This first point is very similar to the first point I made a year ago (“don’t ignore the signs”) because I can’t express how important this is. Besides the usual “if you’re stressed out all the time”, “if you don’t want to go to work in the morning” and other common signs that something is not right at work, there’s also a myriad of less obvious behavior changes that should raise red flags. (for the French-speaking readers out there, read this article) .
Something as seemingly trivial as not having lunch with your coworkers anymore can be a warning sign. Isolating yourself from the rest of your team is a burnout symptom. Others may include, over-venting to your entourage about your work problems or, on the contrary, not wanting to talk about work at all with people. One thing I realized I was doing afterwards is fantasizing about quitting. Not that I ever actually thought about quitting before my meltdown, but I was regularly “joking” with coworkers that “we should just close the office and never come back” and also just thinking to myself “or I should just quit… haha jk I love my job”. Because truth is, I really did love my job, but now that I think back at it, maybe it was my subconscious already trying to tell me something.
One last thing I’d like to talk about here are panic attacks. Oftentimes, having a panic attack is the ultimate, raw manifestation of months of culminating burnout feelings. And oftentimes, we’re being told that you have a panic attack when you’re suffocating in fetal position on the floor, thinking you are going to die. Nothing less dramatic than that. I am no mental health expert but, I think that a panic attack can have a multitude of intensity levels and above all, be expressed in different ways.
I remember googling “what is a panic attack” to figure out what was happening to me, but because my experiences weren’t as “extreme” as what I was reading, I concluded that I wasn’t having panic attacks and that therefore my situation wasn’t that bad, so I shouldn’t complain too much, or feel too bad. This is not good. Today, I’d say that I was having “mild” panic attacks, but they definitely were panic attacks, even if I wasn’t crying on my kitchen floor. The first time, I couldn’t stop crying for hours because of an email. Once at the office, my brain just froze and I couldn’t stop staring at the door and feeling like I physically had to leave that place. Another time, I was just out of the shower and I couldn’t get going with my day for a hour because I was paralyzed by the idea that my (not too old, still super healthy) parents were getting old, going to die someday and that I wouldn’t be able to cope with it. Anxiety comes in all shapes and forms, don’t underestimate your struggles because they don’t 100% match what you read online about it.
2. The importance of work-life balance reminders
Listen, I agree with you, this is way easier said than done. In most jobs, it’s just not possible to completely be done with work the second you leave the office/get home, especially in our work culture today where being busy and overworked is a good thing, something to be proud of. So let’s be realistic and practical here, because on the other end on that trend, being obsessed with your work to the point where you can’t disconnect anymore, think about it 24/7 even into your dreams, that feels like a mental prison you just can’t escape anymore. I know that by experience.
Ok Juice, so what do we do? BE PRAC-TI-CAL my friend. Set up reminders in your daily life to keep your work aside enough. Some ideas: turn off email notifications after office hours, turn off all notifications from your phone at night, set up a “no work talk” rule at home (after a certain hour, or never during breakfast etc.), when something comes up after hours, really ask yourself “can’t this really not wait until tomorrow/Monday ?”. Another good thing to do is to invest time in things that make who you are outside of your profession; a sport, a hobby etc., which leads me to my next point.
3. You are NOT your job
Again, I hear you: but we kind of are. Yes it’s true, to an extend. Your job is a part of your identity for sure (for most of us) but your job does not define you, your value is not determined by your income or job title. This is a very hard idea to wrap our head around. I’m the first one guilty of thinking exactly like this, even if I know I shouldn’t and I try not to.
At least, I have the feeling that Israel is less judgmental of this than other countries like France or the US, but it’s still a widely spread idea. I don’t have any specific tip to help you not feel that way anymore, besides the fact that I know it would be beneficial not to, so let me just share a bit of my experience on that topic.
I’ve always struggled with this. I’ve always compared myself to others career-wise, always felt like I was not doing well enough, even through my successes I’m always comparing myself to those who do better than me. After I quit my job I also lost the work-visa associated with it, and it takes a loooong time in my case to get a new one (like more than a year). In the meantime, I’m not allowed to have a “normal” job, so I’m working freelance and hustling here and there to make a living. In other words, I went from managing projects and teams, working with all these important people, complaining about my interns, to translating the employee handbook of a fast-food and baby sitting kids. I’m also making 1/3 of what I was making before. I’m lucky enough to be financially supported and that’s a huge relief, but that was still a big slap to my self-esteem and felt like a deep personal failure for many months.
I used to feel so bad about myself and depressed about this situation and how my career was on a “forced break” after I worked so hard to kick start it. I still struggle with these feelings, but way less than a few months ago because I realized something important: not having a certain kind of job and income anymore did not change who I am as a person, in the sense that I am as much as a “good” person as I was before, I still have the same qualities and there’re still many interesting things about me. So why should I still think that my value as a person is linked to my job and how much I make ?
4. Recovery will take longer than you think
When I decided to quit, my boss and I agreed on a 7 weeks notice. These were the hardest 7 work weeks I had ever gone through (and I’ve done my good share of shitty jobs). Just getting through one day was incredibly hard, so when I was eventually done, I immediately jumped on a plane back home for two weeks. Being home with my family, feeling safe and responsibility-free was such an eerie feeling after the hurricane these two months before that had been. I felt at peace. At last.
At that time my mom was telling me to take it easy, one step at a time, because it would take a long time before I’d feel normal again. I didn’t believe it. I thought that after I was finally done with the job, I wouldn’t feel the stress that came with it and I’ll be fine again. Why wouldn’t I?
Dear Lord was I wrong. It’s hard to explain it with words, but I only feel back to being myself since pretty recently, almost a year later. Even if I was free from what had triggered all that stress and anxiety, it had kind of created a whole set of behaviors and mental mechanisms which took a long time to disappear. I struggled for months with anxiety flaring up for no reason, my “fight or flee” mode switching on and off uncontrollably, mood swings, depression, and an obsessive need to monitor and control every aspect of my life.
It took a lot of efforts to “re-wire” my brain with healthier mechanisms, and this doesn’t happen overnight. Now I know it’s totally normal.
5. The outside is more important than you think
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still as introverted and anti-social as it comes, I love staying in with me, myself and I for dayzzz. However, if there is something that I’ve learned from my hermit-work-from-home life is that even Grinch-people like me need to go out. Like REALLY NEED TO.
Especially when you’re kind of spiraling with lots of negative or anxious thoughts; it really helps to connect with the outside world. Look around, make small talk (terrifying I know), put yourself back in perspective in the grand scheme of things. That way, you’re pulling yourself out of your bubble and it usually helps calm you down.
And just like exercise improves your mood, there is something with getting some fresh air and being outside that magically softens your mind, even just a 10 min walk around the block or a quick stop at the local supermarket. When you feel down, uneasy or angsty at home, just try to go outside for a bit and see how it feels.
6. Seek help
Last but not least, don’t do this alone. Recovery and dealing with mental health issues is incredibly difficult to do just by yourself. If you can, seek professional help. I wasn’t able to go to therapy myself but I definitely would have if I could, and I’m sure it would have made many things easier.
If therapy is not available to you either, there are of course plenty of things you can do alone (sports, meditation, taking supplements) but you need to find your person. You need to be able to talk honestly about these things with someone. Talking is a powerful tool, especially when it comes to anxious thoughts. My person is my mom; I know I can be 100% no filter with her about my thoughts, I know I can call her anytime I need to and I know she’ll say what I need to hear to feel better and more trustful towards the future. In other words, you need external support and you need effective support. You can find it with a therapist, among your family, your friends, your church or other religious community, a support group, an online friend or even on an online forum or Facebook group, it doesn’t matter as long as you find your person.
Today I am so grateful to the universe for not giving up on the Juice, grateful to my entourage for their support and proud of myself for overcoming this difficult year. It’s a real relief to finally being able to let more peace in. My next goal now is to place trust again in the future and feel excited about what’s to come!
That’s it for now byeee
Originally published at https://www.thejuicereviews.com on June 22, 2019.
