A mouse. A stone. And you.
I once saw a mouse being cut open,
Alive.
You see we were young and playful
and this friend of mine, wanted to show me
how the insides of a mouse looked like .
So there I was…watching.
As he slowly cut through the first layer of its skin
Digging deeper with every passing second,
As if it were just a mere bundle of entangled veins.
Until he finally got to its heart.
Tiny
difficult to notice among all the blood and gore
But there nevertheless
Beating with every last drop of life present in him,
Beating as if every cell in its convulsing little body
was just focused on one thing,
To numb the pain .
So I did what any sane human would do
Picked up a stone and ended the suffering with a splatter.
You see…it didn’t deserve to bear the torture
just for some naive kids entertainment.
So I set it free.
I wonder if that’s how I’d feel, if I did it again
Because
every time you skin me off my identity,
every time you pull out the ribs
that sound of self-esteem and self-love,
one by one
I wonder if I’d be able to find a stone for myself
that would look like freedom
Before my mouth tastes of rotting soul and self loathe
And yours looks pleased
watching me, wriggle under you
Like a lab rat played around for your entertainment
Before you finally wrap your palm around my beating heart
and drain it of all the blood that
colors my dreams and gives life to my tomorrows
Before you finally stopped it from beating any more.
I wonder if I could save myself
from the torture of existence too,
Set myself free.
If yes
then I wonder
if that would help me,
Help me love myself.
Help me finally unlove you.
