Adventure #? with Sycophant Boy
Bert AKA Sycophant Boy is screaming into the phone. It’s a low growl kind of scream, the sound of frustration and angst. “It is B-E-R-T, like in Bert and Ernie!”. He hangs up and moans.
Sycophant Boy has a queasy stomach. Its obvious everywhere in the office. GoGoGadget, who moonlights as a private investigator, is so disgusted by Sycophant Boy’s toilet habits that he cleans up the bathroom each day after our gaseous wonderboy uses the facility. There is no exhaust fan in the tiny room, so odors waft throughout the entire office. I kid you not. To put it in a more disgusting light, think of it this way — he explodes rectally each day after lunch. The explosion splatters throughout the mens room. Literally. Then Sycophant Boy sprays Lysol, about a half a can, and leaves the room. Sometimes he remembers to flush.
I know this, not because I frequent the men’s bathroom, but because GoGoGadget gives me daily updates. And because my cubicle is ten feet away from the door to the bathroom.
Poor GoGoGadget cant stand the mess. And he needs to use the toilet himself. No one else is going to clean up after Sycophant Boy. Especially not Mr. Rectal Retard himself, creator of the disgusting ensemble. There’s a woman who allegedly cleans the office every weekend, but I’ve long suspected she vacuums, blows the dust off the tables and shelves, and dumps a cup of PineSol in the toilets so it smells like someone’s been cleaning. If Sycophant Boys bowel movements were left to crystalize for more than an hour, it would take a putty knife to scrape them from the toilet seat.
Last Thursday, the combined smell of Lysol and bowel movement was so overwhelming that it infiltrated my clothing. I had to go outside and wave my arms in the air to dispel the odors because I was about to meet with a client and discuss a personal injury claim. Granted, most of the clients have a definate odor about them, one not dissimilar to the odor I am emitting, but still
I know you think I’m making this up, but I swear I’m not. I don’t have that kind of imagination. Working here will be but a short blip on my long resume’.
